My Lesbian Love

Image by bobster855 via Flickr

I always thought that love would mean falling “in love.” When we are younger, we still “believe.” As each relationship falls apart, as the years go by, that belief can eventually fade. My “time” took thirty-seven years. I’ve always felt hopeful, till now. I feel a huge loss without her. We were such a big part of each others lives. She was my best friend. I could never imagine a day going by without her in my life, I never thought I’d need to face that day. She was my “falling in love” girl. What mistake did I make? Believing and trusting in someone that says that I can believe and trust that they’d never hurt me, to have them say later on, “I didn’t intentionally hurt you.” So, what do I focus on? The you that was everything that I wanted, or the you that doesn’t deserve me? I never will have trouble meeting women, but I am only interested in finding something “real.” What I felt for you was “real.” I don’t feel hurt over you as much as I do disappointment. Everything that I’ve ever felt about love is gone. After thirty-seven years of believing and hoping, I don’t want love anymore. I don’t want to feel love anymore. I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I wonder, that since I feel that I found my deepest love, if she wouldn’t stay, then who will?