Navigating the Turbulent Waters of Internet Dating

For men or women of any age, the challenges of internet dating can be daunting.  How can you communicate the “real” you in a format that typically invites only superficial generalizations, trivial data, and shallow exchanges?  If you’re seeking a “soul-mate,” a life-long partner, you want to paint an accurate picture of who you are and what you want.  But most online profiles consist of insipid littanies; everyone is bright, attractive, healthy, pet-friendly, fond of dinner parties and water sports, free of “baggage,” and . . . boring.  

So how do you decide what to tell about yourself, and what to look for in someone else?  The most important guiding principal is to identify and analyze what really matters to you, and then to communicate that in your profile and selection criteria.  You may think it sounds arrogant to set forth your “must have” or “must be” list, but you can save a lot of time, and maybe some heartache, by being up front, even about the small stuff.  If you’re a short guy and you’re uncomfortable with a taller woman, you may be missing out on opportunities for friendship or romance, but you might as well include this restriction in your selection criteria – and then go get some therapy to help you overcome your hangup.  For many, “no smoking” is a must.  If you’re a smoker, don’t lie about it to broaden your selection field; the smell will give you away on the first date.  Although you may be overlooking an ideal partner by eliminating candidates on the basis of features like height, astrological sign, body type, restaurant preference, and income, for examples, if any of these criteria matter deeply to you, it’s probably best to get them out in the open early.  

On the other hand, you will be limiting the possibilities for wonderful and enlightening experiences if you eliminate candidates on the basis of race, ethnic group, or religion  So unless you’re a racist, extreme right wing religious fanatic – in which case you might as well stop reading now and go to a KKK dating site (yes, they do exist) – you should leave all possibilities open.  

Don’t pepper your profile with declarations of your fondness for walks on the beach, fine dining and healthy food, travel to exotic places, cuddling, laughter, exercise, and a cup half full.  Such a list makes you sound like everyone else online.  If you have no taste for little pleasures and good health, no sense of humor, and a pessimistic outlook on life, you probably wouldn’t admit it anyway.  Have you ever seen an ad that reads: “overweight couch potato, junk-food grouch who doesn’t like to laugh or be touched seeks like-minded cynic.”