Nervous Energy

Nerves are a natural part of dating but they needn’t be something to fear or avoid.

There is all kinds of advice out there on how to deflect or side-step awkward moments or How To Impress The Ladies. An entire industry has been built on proven techniques for overcoming the “weakness” of nerves and replacing it with the “power” of confidence.

Self-assurance is touted as the best chance of success when you meet someone. Knowing what you want and how to get it. Demonstrating a disposition of ease. Opening up the body language. Asking the right questions. Listening. Paying just the right amount of compliments and so on.

Fortunes have been made on this myth and millions of women are frustrated because of it.

Being awkward or nervous is not a “weakness”. It just means that you are “in” your skin. It means you are human. It demonstrates a high care factor and can even be seen as endearing or (God forbid) sexy.

So many times I have heard women opine over the gorgeous man who fumbled from start to finish just trying to say hello. They were flattered that they could create such nervous “energy”. They were not offended at having that sort of impact on others so don’t waste your time trying to hide it with someone else’s personality. Especially if it’s James Bond’s!

Often men will attempt an approach on women that borders on arrogance in order to disguise what’s happening inside. Their belief in How To Impress The Ladies with the power of confidence and the lack of faith in themselves kills off any chance at discovering a meaningful relationship or even a meaningful conversation.

Understanding what it is that you value in others and in your self should be what leads conversation between you. Wanting to know who she is. Expressing who you are. These are the corner stones of building a connection. The unknown stuff between you is what makes it exciting. It’s what creates the nervous energy. It’s what allows the awkwardness to exist. If you are nervous it is only because these questions are unanswered. That’s the excitement of meeting someone new! Why try to disguise it?

Remember what kind of person it is that you would like to meet. Do you want to be with someone who is attracted to you or somebody else?

Be your self! This is all you can and ever should be. This is all you will ever be to her in the long run, unless you intend to carry on a charade. You wouldn’t be the first if you did but the results speak for themselves. The disappointments that abound in relationships predominantly refer to the revelation that the person you thought you were with turned out to be someone else.

It’s bloody hard work trying to be someone else and at the end of the day a pointless exercise. This is of course assuming you really do want her to know who “you” are – nerves and all.