Never Send a Second Text

Sunday should have been a day of immense pain and suffering for me. True, my stomach did feel like it had been scrubbed out and hung out to dry. Plus, no matter how much Ribena – Really Light I drank, my mouth just didn’t seem to be able to return to a normal ph level. However the night before, I met a guy! Yes, little old me, threw my best friend a birthday party; playing the dutiful friend, romance was far from my head, but isn’t that always the way?

Somehow I managed to catch a gentleman’s eye. We flirted, had lingering eye contact, and even did that thing where you purposefully brush each others hands whilst talking to someone else. He was beautiful, intelligent, interesting. Perfect!

His number burned a hole in my phone all Sunday but it was too soon to text. Hey man, I’m no amateur! I did, however spend the whole of Sunday, geekly figuring out what I was going to text on Monday.

Monday came, so I blasted, my sure-fire message, out into the airwaves.

Sent. Silence. Check my phone. Nothing. Check the signal. Full signal. Maybe he hasn’t got any credit? Maybe I have the wrong number? Did I imagine the hand-brushing thing? I thought I was so clever. I thought I had it all figured out. Now my only hope of dignity was not to send a second text; NEVER SEND A SECOND TEXT.

So did I send one? Of course not! Rules are there for a reason. I did see him though and he apologised for not replying; his excuse, “It was the most suggestive text he had ever received”. Well! If that really is the most suggestive text message he’s ever received, then he certainly isn’t the one for me. I should have known when he got his guitar out to have a sing-song. He probably rolls his own Sushi. Oh no, he’s another story!