Older men dating younger women is a common occurrence in today’s society. From an evolutionary standpoint, older men/younger women relationships make perfect sense.
Is it wrong to date or be in a relationship with a person who is much younger than you are? As I inch closer and closer to middle age – I’m now thirty-three – I found myself being more and more attracted to younger women. But that wasn’t always the case. I can remember being in my late teens and early twenties being extremely attracted to women in their early-to-mid 30’s. There was something about the way they carried themselves – more self-assured, confident, and mature – that I found highly attractive. And if they were in good physical shape and made an effort to maintain their appearance, all the better. However, something has changed with me along the way. Now I’m the one who is in my thirties, and my attractions seem to be directed at younger women exclusively.
And I know this is nothing new in the world of men/women relations. Guys, being the visually-directed and impulsive creatures that we are, tend to favor women who are the most pleasing to us physically. In addition, there is that innate, hard-wired urge that guys have to be attracted to women who are very fertile and likely to produce – or at least have the capability to – abundant offspring. It’s the man’s job to pass on his DNA to as many offspring as possible – at least from an evolutionary/Darwinian perspective – and young, attractive women are the best vehicle in which to accomplish that end! Men of all ages are wired to find young, fertile women highly attractive and prized; there’s nothing that can be done to alter that. So, as a result, I know that my urges and desires for younger women have a solid evolutionary basis. And even though I don’t plan on having a large brood of children, my evolutionary urge to procreate with young women is strong and healthy!
But society, of course, has to step in and complicate things. If two people of roughly the same age are dating and/or in a relationship, there’s no harm there; nobody takes notice in terms of anything untoward going on. But as the age difference starts to get bigger, many people start to cry foul. The older man is usually assumed to be rich – or at least well off – and the younger woman is usually viewed as being a gold digger or just using the man to get something that she can’t usually get from guys her own age. The older man is normally viewed as using his wealth or status or position in society to get what he can’t get from women his own age – a nice body, great sex, and the adulation from his peers for being seen with a young, attractive woman on his arm. And, believe it or not, many of those assumptions are probably correct. And my response to that is this: so what?
We all make agreements and concessions in this world. We as individuals try and get the best possible deals for ourselves in all walks of life. When we have the upper hand and a little bit of leverage, we use it. When we don’t, we can’t! It’s a normal human urge to want to maximize pleasure/joy and to minimize pain/distress. We develop social skills and learn ways of relating to people that facilitate the workings of daily life. We learn how to use people – yes, I said use – in order to get what we want or to increase our chances of success.
A lot of that is just basic human nature – the desire to survive, the desire for success, and the desire for happiness. These types of things are prevalent in almost all walks of life whether we like to admit it or not. So, if an older man with money or status wants happiness in the form of a young, attractive girl, what’s wrong with pursuing that? And if a young, attractive girl wants to be with an older, financially-stable or accomplished man to further her happiness, is she wrong for pursuing that? Would be it wrong for those two people to enter into a mutually-satisfying and beneficial arrangement?