Open and Honest: How to Talk to Your Significant Other

How to Ask for Help (Or Anything Else!)

Asking for help is rarely easy in a relationship. Often, there is a concern about overburdening the other person in the relationship and sometimes a concern that the request for help is too trivial. The first thing to overcome is this ideal that all people should be able to struggle thru life on their own. People are social creatures and even the most isolated of people will have times where they need the assistance of others. There is no shame in asking for help.

When you decide to ask your significant other for help it is important to state clearly what you need help with. This may sound foolish to point out but it is startling how many people fail to do so. Do not over simplify the problem that you need assistance in resolving. Over simplification or omitting facts makes it more difficult for your significant other to help you.

Taking a tone that is not demanding is helpful because it shows that you respect them. Avoiding presenting the impression that you believe that you are entitled to their assistance does wonders for encouraging assistance because your significant other will not feel taken advantage of. When we look back at the two ways to phrase statements in an argument, we see the difference between respectful and disrespectful requests for help.

The implied demand of the first statement is unclear. This immediately makes things difficult because your significant other, in this case, can not determine what you need help with or what you are upset with. The use of a personal insult is hurtful and undermines your effort to obtain assistance with the problem. Remember, respect means you are not going to insult someone but use language that is polite. If you accidentally insult your significant other, always offer a sincere apology as soon as possible. Make clear that your intention was not to insult them.

Respect in communication is of vital importance to successful communication. It is possible to condense the keys to successful communication to three things: mutual respect, clarity, and active listening. When you use these three simple tools, you will find not only do arguments stop being the dramatic and painful things of the stereotype, but your relationship will improve.

My husband and I have known each other since childhood (over 20 years). We have done our best to use these three things in how we communicate every day. It has made arguments of the explosive and painful variety very rare. When we forget to use these three things, we both find ourselves facing a significant amount of hurt feelings and frustration. It is not easy at times, but each time we approach communicating in this fashion it draws us closer together and gives us a deeper understanding of how the other views the world.