Passion in Love Relationships

We love to be in love. Flushed cheeks, the racing heart beat and clammy hands, the sleepless nights thinking about the loved one. The experience of love is so exhilarating that we wish the experience and how we feel could last forever.

Does passion fade? Must it fade? Regrettable the answer to these questions seems to be “yes”.

Consistent with this view, Steinberg’s theory (1986) holds that passion peaks early in a relationship and then declines in intensity. In contrast, both intimacy and commitment increase as time progresses, although they develop at different rates.

But why does passion fade?

It seems three factors kick into high gear early and fade in the stretch: fantasy, novelty, and arousal(Brehm et al., 2002).

We all know the expression “love is blind”- individuals develop a fantasy picture of their lover (often a projection of their own needs). However, as time passes, the intrusion of reality undermines the idealized view. Also the novelty of a new partner fades as the interactions and knowledge about him/her increase. Finally, we can not exist in a state of height-ended physical arousal forever.

The decline of passion doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship will fail. Many relationships evolve into different, but deeply satisfying mixtures of passionate-companionate love.

Partners get to know and value each-other in different levels. Long-term relationships seem to be exactly of the last type, where passionate love and companionate love are equally important.

As important as passion is for a relationship, in my opinion it is overrated. Moreover, that alone won’t make a relationship work. Understandably, every relationships is unique and has its ways of developing, but generally, successful relationships require good communication skills, empathy, awareness and risking.

 Sources: Psychology Applied to Modern Life- Adjustment in the 21st Century by Wayne Weiten, Margaret A. Lloyd, 7th Edition