Powertripping for Dummies

What you should take away from this note:

• Fighting with someone over power balances = insta-fail.
• Playing hard to get = insta-backfire.
• Showing you care = insta-foobar.
• Physical contact = + 5 comfort points.
• Deal with your insecurities before getting out of bed in the morning.

It’s story time.

One day, Tyler and Ellen bump into each other. Tyler likes Ellen and Ellen likes Tyler.

Their problem is that they don’t know that the feeling is mutual. Tyler tries to spark attraction in Ellen by playfully teasing her. Normally, playful teasing works like a charm to spark attraction; but in this case, Ellen already likes Tyler, and it has no effect other than irritating Ellen.

After a few days of getting-to-know-you-type-stuff, Tyler passes Ellen in the hallway. They greet each other. After Tyler passes Ellen, he turns his head to watch her leave, ‘cuz she’s just that pretty. Ellen also turns her head to watch him leave, ‘cuz he’s just that pretty.

She sees him watching her, and he sees her watching him.

Instantly, Tyler and Ellen feel a striking and deep connection. Neither person is used to feeling that connection, and both start to feel a little nervous inside. Since Tyler is used to not being liked back– he gets scared of his own feelings and he decides to suppress them to make Ellen feel attracted to him.

Throughout the day, Tyler works up the courage to talk to Ellen. Ellen doesn’t wanna talk to Tyler first, because she likes having an extreme level of control over her emotions and her relationships. Finally, Tyler he pushes through his nervousness and boldly strides up to Ellen–trying to strike up a conversation.

Unfortunately, Tyler’s plan didn’t include a topic of discussion and since Ellen has also worked on suppressing her feelings, Ellen limits her contributions to the conversation. She limits her responses to a raised eyebrow and a hair-toss. The conversation falls flat on it’s face. Ellen is an air-head. Tyler feels disappointed. Tyler’s face gets hot and he feels embarrassed because he sucks at talking.

Tyler turns his attention to Ellen’s friends and refuses to make eye contact with Ellen or acknowledge Ellen’s presence. Ellen feels disappointed with herself. She starts to feel like she’s not good enough for Tyler, and stops trying to catch his eye. Tyler notices this lack of eye contact, realizes he messed up, and gives Ellen space.

(Lesson for this section: don’t be a bitch or it’ll backfire and someone’ll get upset.)

A few days later, Tyler decides to try again. He initiates a conversation with Ellen through a neutral opinion opener about the overalls he’s wearing. Ellen says, “Gee, I like the overalls. My baby brother tried something similar.” Tyler ignores Ellen’s teasing comparison of him to a toddler, takes Ellen’s blatantly obvious cue to ask about her family. They begin a two-sided conversation.

Tyler makes physical contact with Ellen at the high points of the conversation; when Ellen’s laughing, smiling, or embarrassed. Physical contact is ALWAYS the male’s responsibility; girls feel like sluts if they initiate physical contact.

(First, neutral opinion openers works for both guys and gals. Use them as much as possible. Second, making physical contact at least once a day with everyone you know is really really really important.)

Tyler starts to feel comfortable with Ellen, but he wants to make sure she has something going for her other than her looks. He starts qualifying her. Tyler starts pelting Ellen with questions; “How many boyfriends have you had?” “What do you have going for you other than your looks?” “Can you cook?” “Can you clean?”

Tyler discovers that Ellen can play violin. Ellen decides to play a few songs for Tyler. She feels nervous and excited at the same time. Ellen thinks that if she plays for Tyler, he’ll like her more. Ellen entertains Tyler for a good 50 minutes.

Instead of feeling more attracted to Ellen, Tyler freaks out. Tyler worries that Ellen sees him only as a friend, even though she just dedicated an hour to entertaining him. Tyler is used to being manipulated then dumped. He’s scared that it’s happening again so he feels like he needs to amp up Ellen’s attraction. To do this, he avoids her. Ellen notices. Instead of giving up a little power and starting a conversation with Tyler, she withdraws more than he does. Tyler feels hurt and avoids Ellen for the rest of the year by changing his schedule so they don’t share free periods.

The $1,000,000 question: Who’s to blame for the failure of the relationship?