Reasons Why Many Couples Face Intimacy Problems
by This is probably one of the biggest problems couples worldwide face. Being in a relationship is a choice that people make, and intimacy is the key to a successful relationship. But why is it sometimes hard to achieve?
1. Communication Barrier
A lot of people give up on their mates because of communication barriers. If one thinks he can’t, then he doesn’t… and then give up and look for someone from out of somewhere, who would probably become a bore after several years as well. Lack of communication usually means two things. One, “I think I’m not a good communicator, thus, I give up”; or two, “It’s hard to express my thoughts, no one understands me, therefore, I give up.”
2. Ignorance
It has its roots in childhood. Problems arise when parents didn’t show intimacy to children, because they don’t know what intimacy is in the first place. Children learn by example. When they don’t see their parents being mutually sweet or flirting with each other, they wouldn’t know the real context of an intimate relationship. There is a big block of ignorance.
3. Issue of Trust
Intimacy is the result of trust, of letting a person in. The biggest hurdle to intimacy is the fear of getting hurt by the person you trust.This is very true especially to those people who have been hurt as a result of a previous devastating relationship. In addition, fear has been cultivated in them by people who filled their ears with all kinds of stuff on the negative aspects of relationships. There are some who grew up with the ultra conservative training that they should not trust the opposite sex, and so on. That could contribute to the fear as well. But the main culprit to intimacy problem is almost always that somebody’s really been screwed over — so it leaves one thinking that it is not a safe thing to do. Then they get all uptight and anxious about it. Many people are afraid that they’re going to be “eaten up” the other person. The fear of being made vulnerable is very great. So, intimacy is really about being able to open up to the other person reciprocally. It is the product of earned trust (or sometimes, unearned trust, inherited from a romantic fantasy that your mate is perfect and couldn’t hurt you). It’s up to you to open up or keep a “close shop” forever.
Here’s a checklist of intimacy on a working level according to Dr. Virgina Satir:
when both of you can ask for what you want instead of waiting for the other one to offer it
when both can say what you see and hear instead of “what you should”
when you feel what you feel instead of worrying if it’s the right feeling
when you take steps in your own behalf instead of always trying to keep the status quo.
Intimacy is stating all of these as belonging to oneself, belonging to a couple together, owning all of these.
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