Relationship Skills: Validating Others

In the diverse world that we live in, it is the differences among people can make life interesting and exciting.  These differences, however, can also lead to many of the conflict and disagreements that we experience as we attempt to forge meaningful relationship.

The fact that everybody has their own point of view may seem like an overly simplistic observation; however it is one that is worth revisiting.  How many times do we fail to recognize the viewpoint of another person in a heated moment of conflict or disagreement with a loved one, co-worker or friend?  We judge the other person as wrong.  We set our intention to win the argument. The truthful reality is that we often find ourselves unable to effectively validate the other person’s perspective because we habitually characterize conflict as a sort of competition – something we have to win.

Disagreements are a fact of life.  There are times when conflict will inevitably arise between husbands and wives, parents and children, friends and co-workers.  A common mistake that people make happens when they adopt a win/lose stance. They feel that one person must be right and the other wrong.  One wins, one loses.  This pattern not only invalidates the thoughts and feelings of others but it also serves to escalate a tense situation even further.  In addition, rarely does this behavior bring about conditions conducive to conflict resolution.  Looking at differences in this competitive manner is much too limiting considering the complexity of human relationships.   There doesn’t have to be a right and wrong.

A better way to address discord is to acknowledge that both positions are worthy of validation.  This is a challenge to many people because they lack the relationship skills necessary to be able to recognize the plausibility of another person’s perspective.  Another area of proficiency worth attaining lies in the development of an understanding that every person has a unique set of beliefs and a different worldview, formed largely by our parents, teachers and other respected adults in childhood.  Many times, as you learn and practice the art of validation, you will find that family members, co-workers and friends will become more willing to learn by your example and reciprocate by validating your position as well.

By employing some awareness and developing some relationship skills you can experience the many difficulties that arise in relationships in a new way.  By expanding your mind to move beyond right/wrong or win/ lose, you can work on conflicts and reach solutions in a much more effective manner.