Relationship: Tolerance

Ever wonder how why there are relationships that last for a lifetime while your relationship is always at losing ends? There are a lot of factors that affects a relationship, however through my research and careful observations, I noticed that there is a factor that is not easily seen yet it is always evident especially when a relationship is at the power struggle stage to co-creation stage (these stages are based from Dr. Susan Campbells’ book; The Couple’s Journey). A simple definition of tolerance is one’s capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs of others, and the capacity to endure hardship and pain. In connection to a couple’s relationship, tolerance is always a factor that is continuously affecting couples. It is not said much because the word itself connotes a negative impression. Another reason is that tolerance, most of the time, is misinterpreted as sacrifice for a relationship to work, however these small sacrifices can most of the time still results to break ups since the tolerance level of a person has already reached it’s limits.

No matter how romantic it sounds that in a relationship, two people are binded as one, still we cannot erase the fact that there are two people working together to achieve a common goal; which is to be happy and to have a partner for the rest of their lives. Therefore we cannot remove that fact that no matter how binded a couple is, there are still issues of individual differences. The man came from a different perspective of experience and so is the woman. Thus in effect, there would always be some misunderstandings in the way and some habits that is not acceptable to the partner. This is where the level of tolerance comes along.

A partner at first would be able to tolerate small habits, gestures and acts of his or her partner. They would try to arrange it and talk about it. However at times, there are just some habits, gestures and acts that are really hard to change. Thus, the partner must be patient in guiding and asking for the change that he or she wants. In here, the partner who is displeased is in the phase of tolerance. Slowly as they get to know each other, more and more additional habits, gestures, and acts; which he or she may not like, pushes into surface and adds more  to the irritation and upset that he or she feels towards his or her partner. At this phase, the level of tolerance is put into test. The person who is not satisfied with his or her partner slowly realizes that he or she is not the right person for him or her, in effect break up happens. Based from this scenario, it can be synthesized that so as long as the person in a relationship who is displeased with his or her partner is still able to tolerate the habits, gestures, and acts of his or her partner; the relationship still goes on. However, when the level of displease already reaches the maxmum amount of tolerance that a person can take, the relationship more or less would result to break up.

This claim still needs a lot of research and continuous observation and experience for it to be considered as one factor on how couples can save their relationships. It is important for couples to take note that each one has the responsibility to know how your partner feels towards your habits, gestures and acts since this is one of the most aspect for a relationship to last. Couples must remove in their thoughts and thinking the idea “if he or she cannot accept who I am, then that means that we are not meant to be with each other”. Relationships has joys and responsibilities; on your end of the partnership, you must always be happy and responsible about that things that are happening inside your relationship. If only the both parties in a relationship would think this way, then the issue of tolerance would always be resolved which results to a relationship that would last a lifetime.