Relationships and Cars

“You wanna get out of here?” she asks, after sauntering up to me in the courtyard after school. “You know it”, I respond casually. I cannot hide my euphoria, and grin widely. She pretty good looking, as Pedro would say. We walk down the hill, obviously going somewhere together. The younger boys and girls alike gawk at us as we pass. They’re all jealous of one of us, the girls wishing they were her and the guys wanting so much to be me. Ah, sweet youth. As we approach the senior parking lot, there is a decision to make. Which car do we take, and, more importantly: who drives? I believe you can tell a lot about a couple by observing who drives what car when they’re together. Of course, we end up taking her car, but I drive. I believe that, for the most part, men are better drivers, and therefore I drive. Plus, I love the dirty looks I get from other guys in passing cars, as they notice the nice car I’m driving, with the goddess riding shotgun, looking fine. Our relationship is doing just fine. I’m certain this is what a relationship should look like, but they don’t always operate like mine.

“Man, he must be humiliated”, I think to myself. That guy is riding in the backseat of his own car, with his girlfriend driving and her clingy friend riding shotgun. How disgusting. She must control the remote as well. Dominatrixes must have their way in every situation. As a result, the male in this type of relationship finds himself caught in a role reversal. Suddenly he turns into the feminine voice of the relationship. He can be found picking up cookbooks at King Arthur flour and taking bubble baths. As my friends and I like to say, she definitely wears the pants in the relationship. I genuinely feel bad for the poor kid. This type of seating arrangement says “dominatrix” relationship to me. I mean, not only does he have to deal with being dominated by a female all the time, but he gets pushed around by her butch sidekick as well. See, a relationship such as theirs just isn’t healthy. The guy probably has low self-esteem, and has trouble standing up for himself. The universe did not intend for this type of couple to exist. Now, I’m not saying that men must be the dominant person in the relationship, although that seems to have been the best way since the beginning of time. But yes, there does need to be equality, a certain type of give and take that keeps couples together and the connection fresh. It’s no fun to be on the losing side of every argument, or have all the decisions made for you. It’s funny that you can tell all of this just by looking at the seating arrangement during travel. Everybody knows that any self-respecting individual, especially male, will take shotgun in her or her significant other’s car, and drive their own car. It’s just how things work. No one should ever let the friend sit shotty, because that just aint right.