When dealing with same sex friends you need to use your confidence to control certain situations in your own life. Don’t allow others to make decisions for you or you are giving them the power over you to do it on a constant. When things don’t go right I guarantee you they will not accept the blame and put the blame on you. In all honesty, it would be your fault for not taking charge of your own decisions and conducting yourself in a manner suited to you.

  You will find there are many in this world that love controlling others around them as well as situations. That is a character flaw that really needs to be controlled when in the presence of other people. It causes more problems between friends and families than any other I know of.

  Don’t get me wrong the controlling character has its place if you are a boss of a company or if you are in the middle of an emergency situation. It is a great characteristic to have when leadership is needed. But most of the time they forget that not all situations can be controlled by them. If you are one that has a controlling characteristic keep it under control and use it in its proper place where it will serve you better.

  You need to set ground rules between you. Openly discuss the ground rules with your friends so all of you know where you all stand. If you go out and start picking up guys/girls you will want everyone following the same rules. If you are interested in someone specifically you wouldn’t want one of your friends taking him/her out. They should be supportive of you and an encouragement to you; not undermining your desires.

  By the same token, if one of your friends speaks up first about a man/woman you are interested in before you do, back off and be his/her support and encourage him/her. If that relationship doesn’t work and you are certain your friend doesn’t want to pursue it further then go for it; but talk to your friend and be sure it’s alright with him/her first.

   Never take the word on face value alone regarding a date. Bitterness and anger oftentimes colors ones point of view of someone they just broke up with. Don’t be surprised if the man/woman refuses to date you if he/she knows you are a friend of the person they just broke up with. Some unfortunately dares their friends to make a date and brake it or embarrass the hell out of the person publicly for personal satisfaction at the others grief and pain. High school students are especially well known for such childish and hurtful behavior toward one another. If your friend suggests such behavior you might reconsider your friendship.

  You may even want to make a list of ground rules for friendships regarding dates, pick-ups, etc. so you don’t forget them yourself. Good friends will not undermine your desires but there are some you will have to be alert to catch, they can be sneaky in how they operate. There are some that will claim to be testing your boy/girl friend too, and while a select few may actually be telling the truth and nothing would happen, others that would go all the way I question highly. If the female/male wasn’t flirting to begin with why is your friend pressing the issue?

  Being nice and polite, being a gracious hostess and being kind is not a reason for any of your friends to be suspicious. He/she flirting by staring; batting eyes; winking; constant touching; lip-lock kisses, putting hands where they don’t belong for any reason; constant visiting when you aren’t around, etc. are all causes for some major concern whether from your boy/girl friend or one of your friends.

  Women can be more suspicious as well as devious then most men so be wary of that. Women will flirt and even get a guy in bed and hold it over the guy’s head for later favors using black mail. Number one men try to explain their way out of that type of a situation and I find that laughable. Most men are by far physically stronger then most females so for any male to say he was forced is laughable. Number two any female friend of mine who would do such a thing wouldn’t be my friend once I find out what she’d done. That doesn’t mean I’d excuse him for his part in it; if he cared about me at all he’d have not allowed her anywhere near him and have come to me with his friends to back his ass up. I’d throw them both out of my life.

  It sounds harsh I know; but I stand by my convictions and beliefs. Most men can physically force themselves on most women; but men can only be enticed into someone’s bed. If the man is so weak minded sexually to fall into bed with another woman he didn’t need me or love me to begin with; and I neither need nor want the drama the loss of trust would cause between us.

  I certainly would never trust the female ever again because that to me would be a gross breach of conduct; and a full on slap in my face and more. I personally don’t like devious behavior. Karma has a habit of coming back and nailing people ten fold for what they do; I don’t want to be on the bad side of the receiving end.  

  Because most women are ashamed of being rapped by men it is difficult for most of us to tell the men we love if it happens. For what ever reason men look on most women as though the women shouldn’t have allowed it to happen. They fail to understand most women are not as physically strong as most men are and most of the time it is impossible to break a mans hold once he grabs a woman unless she has had self defense training. Many normal common people can’t afford such training and it is not usually given free of charge. Also, if the woman has had no brothers to grow up with there was no training as a child either.

  Unfortunately even though most men are the strongest physically they seem to be the weakest mentally. It doesn’t seem to take much to turn a man on sexually speaking. A deep sultry voice, a certain look of the eyes, and the right combination of body configurations and the man is lost in desire. If a man is being starved for affection at home he will seek release elsewhere. The problem isn’t usually that though, men become restless sexually and go off figuring what the women don’t know won’t hurt them. That worked back in the nineteen twenties, thirties, forties and even in the fifties but by the nineteen sixties women became wise wanting sex to feel good and began doing the same things; seeking release elsewhere since their husbands wouldn’t satisfy them.

  The nineteen sixties was also one of the biggest transitional eras of all time. Adults gave up control of their household to the will and whims of their teenage children. Children ran rampant across the U.S.A. using drugs like drinking water, having sex with anyone that would have them, doing whatever their hearts desired whenever they wanted to do it. The era of the “Flower Child” with their “Sex, Drugs & Rock N Roll” began the greatest family unit and mental development downfall of all time in America to date.

   Life is in the eye of the beholder. We have some clicks of both men and women who truly believe they have been abused although many of their siblings believe it was merely a punishment well deserved when they got the same or similar treatment. They did survive the punishment and in many ways became stronger people for it; in their eyes that isn’t good enough. So depending on what your personal outlook on life is you may want to be wary and make sure you know who your friends are and what they are all about before getting in too good with them. I have found people I thought were my friends did me more harm then good because our views on life issues were different.

  It is important to have friends you know you can talk to and depend on that have similar interests and views as you do. Good friends are hard to find and not everyone you meet ends up being a friend much less a good friend. Take one day or night a week to go out with the guys/girls and do something together that is fun. Keep in touch with your friends even if they end up transferred elsewhere; become pen pals, send pictures to each other, you never know when you might get the opportunity to go see them.

  One thing to remember, when telling your friend’s anything you think is wrong with your boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife make sure it stays strictly between you and them; venting is a stress relief as well as a way to work out problems. It is unwise to have your friends come to or call your home you share with your significant other half and have them call your other half down because of something you’ve said to them. That will cause lots of pain and drama you don’t want or need in your life. If your friends do it often enough your other half will most likely tell you to choose him/her or them but that you can’t have it both ways. I learned from past experience that if my boyfriend or husband did that to me again I’d just pack my bags and leave. It’s better then living with the bitterness of a man who’d lost his friends; better he should live alone without his wife.