Seven Overlooked Mistakes of Love

Enmeshment is a term used to describe couples who have become so bound together that they lose their individual identities. Some enmeshment is unavoidable and in a good way, but in the early part of a relationship it can make one partner or even both feel claustrophobic. Its great sharing and being together, knowing each others most precious secrets, but it is even more wonderful to recognize that a relationship is made up of two people and that those two separate identities have come together to share with one another. Two people should respect each other for who they are individually, and what they can offer to one other.

Love will make us do crazy things, but what it should never do is cause a person to be so overly consumed with jealousy that their partner cannot function socially. Having friends is a part of life, and in our society more than ever men and women are proving that plutonic relationships are possible, so when you see your partner saying hi to a person of the opposite sex that he or she might know, relax don’t automatically assume the worst.

Nagging is always an ugly thing. Teenagers do it their parents, and couples do it to each other. Nagging is stressful to both the nagger and the person being nagged. No one likes it, its annoying, and eventually it will wear on the relationship. Speak to each other in respectful tones. You’ll get your point across, and your partner will feel respected, and in return be more likely to respect you.

Controlling is another big issue in relationships. People feel compelled to analyze the details of their partners lives, and its understandable to a point. Its how we get to know each other, but when those innocent interests turn into full fledged stalking and snooping habits you will have a much larger problem on your hands. Not only will your partner feel upset that you feel he or she is not trustworthy you, yourself, will also be upset trying to live the life of Sherlock Holmes. Relax, enjoy time spent with your partner. A relationship should never be about detective work.

Cheating is one of the ugliest mistakes of a relationship. It should never happen. A relationship isn’t worth having without trust. Your partner should make you feel secure in the fact that you are the person that he or she needs and wants to be with and vise versa. If being with someone makes you upset, sad, and worried that you cannot trust them, move on. It is a miserable life when it includes someone who makes you feel insecure about their motives.

Another huge mistake that can be made in a relationship is the issuance of the Ultimatum too early on. Ultimatums are actually beneficial if you want an upfront decision and answer to help you know where you stand in a relationship, and where you are going in life all together… but if you issue it too early on it can lead to heartbreak. Be careful about making life decisions when you’re allowing someone else to help you make them. Its an either, or decision that you put into the hands of another. Be sure that you are ready for either answer because they are both possible. In the words of Forrest Gump …“you never know what you’re gonna get.”

Lastly, another mistake of love that you need to look out for is the power struggle. It has been my experience that I find couples battling for the most power. This usually occurs early on in new couple, however, it can even be a problem in ongoing relationships. A relationship should be about equality not the fight for dominance. There should be no alpha omega in any real, working relationship. Relationships are like cookies. If you love someone… you will share the last cookie. Evenly…and right down the middle. Love is like baking. You have to add the ingredients, keep out the ones that don’t belong, stick around when things get heated, and most importantly share equally in the delight.