Sex Quest: A Lusty Brew of Emotional Insanity

Lust is the fiery force of emotions and physical chemistry which propels males into an insane and mind numbing flash of sexual pursuit.  Unchecked, it can start wars, destroy marriages and bust up cowboy bars.  It is a groin clenching experience that can turn the most rational of men into amorous idiots.  It lies dormant in the most timid of males and as most females know, can be awakened by a sultry voice, look, dance or a lacy bit of clothing.  Do we know what it is? Apparently there is some evidence that there is relationship between the experience of sexual lust and peptide hormones released by the pituitary gland in the brain.  One thing we do know is that males often fail to distinguish between the sources of emotional  energy.  The now classic research of Dutton and Aron (1974) demonstrated that males do not easily distinguish between feelings of intense attraction or fear.  If the distinction between fear and attraction is so difficult for the male of our species, then what are the chances that they can actually make a distinction between lust and love? 

The really strange part of this conundrum is that females will go to great lengths to trigger male lust with revealing clothing and coy smiles, but then interpret the attention as love. This rather bizarre flight of fancy suggests that the sex quest triggers insanity in both males and females alike.  One might suspect that the raging rate of American divorce is more a function of momentary emotional clarity than a case of incompatibility. 

At some point in all this sexual mayhem there is a quelling of the sexual emotional fire.  Possibly brought about by familiarity and therefore a loss of the initial excitement.  This is a turning point in which an assessment is made regarding the much deeper ‘need for intimacy’.  Unlike sexual compatibility, which has a very short and explicit list of likes and dislikes, the need for intimacy comes with a shadowy list of complicated emotional influences (baggage).  What originally began as a sex quest evolves into a quest for an intimate partner who provides us with a means for keeping feelings of loneliness at bay.  If the compatibility issues are immense, the energy required to maintain the partnership might leave an individual feeling drained. All too often couples interpret their life style preferences as areas of intimacy incompatibility.   What they fail to consider is that difference in life style preferences are actually a potential for mutual entertainment and adventure.  Intimacy incompatibility is a product of each individuals moral and ethical foundations. If those foundations match, then arguments resulting from life style preferences are nothing more than a display of social and emotional immaturity.  Unfortunately, many couples split sheets because their expectations of emotional fulfillment are not realized by the partnership.  Emotional fulfillment is an individual journey and is a reflection of our self perceptions.  Marriage will never be an antidote for a shattered self concept or feelings of insecurity.  It can stem the tides of loneliness, but only if the couple share the same moral and ethical beliefs and honestly respect each others life style differences.