Six Tips for What to Expect From Marriage Counseling

No counselor can fix your marriage if you do not work on it yourself. Marriage counselors are not like the mechanic at the corner garage. They put the tools to repair and rebuild the relationship into your hands. You must do the work. The work consists of becoming helpful to the other partner. It may also involve a certain amount of honest communication that has a time limit of 15 minutes or less a few times per week. The counselor should give guidance about the content of these conversations. They may involve child care, housework, money management and planning, showing affection, respect, or any of a host of other common topics for couples.

Often what is perceived as a deep problem can be solved with one or two concessions on the part of the offending partner. Like the couple who constantly argued about the cleanliness of the house. It turned out that the husband had built the house before the marriage and considered a dirty house to be a comment on what the wife thought of his skills. He also was a man who did not often show affection. The counselor privately informed the man about the wife’s two big concerns. Advice was given to sell the house, send his wife flowers, and ask her on a dinner date. The advice was taken and the marriage was saved. It was just that simple. Other marital issues are not so easily solved. Counseling should continue until both partners are satisfied that the marriage is sound, or progress is no longer being achieved.

Because pastors deal with the circumstances in many different lives, they frequently have the experience to deal with the majority of couples marital problems. Most are wise enough to know when the situation will be better served by a trained and licensed counselor. The real advantage of starting counseling with a pastor or chaplain is the cost. Marriage counselors will charge $100 per hour and up for their services. A few church related counselors may have a sliding scale of fees based on the couple’s perceived ability to pay. Many pastors do not charge for this service because it is seen as a function of the church that they serve.