So You Think You Have Problems?

Trying to make a marriage or relationship work is hard enough. It’s even harder if both partners have chronic and debilitating mental illnesses. I have OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) and my husband, Lou, is bipolar (Manic-Depressive). Manic-Depression has been well known in the psychiatric field since the 1950’s and the standard treatment was a medication called Lithium. OCD had no treatment or even a name at that time. Unfortunately, psychiatry is not an exact science and it’s basically trial and error to find the right medication. I was 24 when I first met Lou and he was 32. Lou was lucky to have Lithium work when he was first diagnosed at age 32. From birth, particularly my teenage years, I had no help until I was 37. Lou basically took care of me the first 20 years of our marriage.

In 1974, I met Lou on a blind date at a bar in New Haven. Donna, my best friend, had a date who set it up, and the four of us were going on a motorcycle ride. I was talking to another guy at the time and I didn’t want to leave. Then Donna’s date told me that Lou went all the way back to West Haven, where he lived, to get me a helmet. I couldn’t refuse. Two weeks later, Lou secretly moved in with me in my tiny room in a rooming house in Connecticut.

I was an aspiring singer and I worked full-time as a graphic artist at Design Group. Lou was a cabbie. What attracted me to Lou was that he wasn’t a typical biker or cabbie – he was intelligent and sensitive; I was surprised when he told me about his computer programming work on our first date. Lou was the only one who loved my voice and supported my singing career – unlike my parents. On our second date, I had a feeling that I would marry him someday.

Donna and I originally moved into separate rooms in that rooming house before Lou came into the picture. Donna and I did everything together. Then that blind date changed everything. When Lou moved in with me, Donna got jealous of our new relationship and my not spending as much time with her. Plus she also had a thing for Lou. Out of spite, she ratted to my parents that we were living together. I was angry at her because I didn’t want my family to know about our new relationship until I we knew where we were going with it.