Getting married and being happy is the easy part. Staying happily married is according to many marriage guidance counselors the really hard part. It is no big secret that in the Western world we have an extraordinarily high divorce rate in comparison with many other countries. In fact in Canada in excess of 35% of marriages will culminate in divorce long before they ever reach their 30th anniversary.

Here are the top six tips; which marriage guidance experts the world over have identified as being the most influential in determining whether or not you will stay happily married once you have taken the big plunge into committing yourself to marriage and “living happily ever after”.

1. External Interests

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While it is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder it is also important for both partners to develop external interests such as hobbies and non-mutual friends. This is very important since it helps the individual to develop a greater sense of self which in turn results in an elevated self-worth and importantly provides an avenue; or outlet if you will, for the relief of tension.

All of this helps the individual to develop an identity other than that of “one half of a couple”. The broader you and your partner’s interests the more you both bring to the relationship. This in turn goes a long way to alleviating the problems that can be resultant from an overly familiar relationship where partner is more dominant over the other. Remember marriage is a partnership and not a boss/worker relationship per sec.

2. Comedy

Laughter is often the best medicine and comedy within a marriage or any other human/human relationship for that matter is critical as it provides an outlet for the pressures of our daily lives. Not only does humor bind couples but it can often be elemental in defusing conflict and strengthening friendship within the marriage to keep both partners “close”.

3. Communication

Never forget that most of us including your partner are not mind readers and so if you want to have your thoughts and wishes acted upon they must first be heard. It is best not to say your thoughts or feelings in a demanding way. This only leads to conflict further down the track.

Acknowledge your partner whenever they do something pleasing to or for you. They will never be 100% certain that whatever they have done or said meets with your approval unless you make the effort to inform them directly.

4. Sex

Whenever couples lose touch with their sensuality they also invariably lose the feelings of intimacy that they once had for each other. It has been shown that a marriage can function without sex but it cannot function without intimacy and touch.

When it comes to issues regarding erectile problems, low libido, or difficulty reaching orgasm both partners need to be frank and open with each other and are advised to seek professional assistance.

5. Fair Fights

Divorce rates sky-rocket when excessive criticism, contempt and defensiveness exist within a marriage. Whenever hostilities are high it is most desirable that both partners take a time out to let angry feelings subside somewhat before returning to the issues at hand. Converse rationally and empathetically and use paraphrasing to reduce the potential for misunderstandings and misjudgments.

6. Money

I’m sure that you must have heard of the old adage “money is the root of all evil”. When it comes to marriage and relationships this can often be the case. Money fights can be the subconscious battleground for dominance, control and power within a relationship and must therefore be handled appropriately. A sling and shouting match is not appropriate.

Couples need to be able to discuss money matters together as equals in a partnership. Most importantly of all money should not be used as a weapon or as a tool for manipulation otherwise resentment can build and build eventually to an explosive expression of emotion. This emotional explosion will more often than not signal the death-knell of a marriage or relationship.