STD: Sean’s Thought of The Day

Let me start off by saying this. I’m a burdened man. I pray to God the same prayer everyday. In case you’re curious it’s this: “God, for you’s sake, can I have a thought of the day that doesn’t have to do with boy/girl relationships? Because I want other ideas.”  And how does he answer my prayer class? (No Bobby God didn’t bring me a puppy….moron).  He answers my prayer by giving me the pleasure of watching an oh sooo innocent, naive, and bless her heart ( I heard an old guy say that so I was trying to squeeze that in somewhere) clueless little girl. She was actually like 18, but her brain is at probably 12 give or take. Anywho I had the pleasure of watching her pull off a stunt that is one of my biggest pet peeves ever. ( I have to stop saying old people coinages, and I also have to stop saying pleasure. It just feels unnerving every time I say it). Now sure I’d love to share my infinite wisdom with you, but when I get these ideas, it won’t let me shake it up( boy/girl relationships I realize I have infinite infinite wisdom). So soon I hope, I can share other my other amazingly brilliant and mind-bottling ideas.( i know it’s not bottling and if you’ve watched the as seen on TBS movie Blades of Glory, you would get it.)

So what did she do? you may ask. someone in my class asked her if the guy she was hanging out with was her boyfriend and she said, “oh we’re definitely friends” Now I’m not homosexual, but the guy wasn’t that bad looking. if it suffices to say, he was not Sloth from the Goonies, so it begs the question why the definitely? and two, why is it “so not in the conversation” of possibly more than friends? I understand if you don’t like somebody, you just don’t like somebody( I’m talking to you Dane Cook). But if you don’t feel animosity towards the person, then there is always a window for you to end up with that person.

Now please excuse me, because I have to go brush my teeth to get the bitter taste of awful high school cliche out of my mouth………………….

Every misconception that women have is this. “If I just shove the man into the friend zone, his feelings won’t be hurt, or he won’t mind.” Not to get into the hyperbole, but men would rather hang with hitler or stalin….or a lawyer, in the 7th circle of Hell, than to be put in the friend zone, and here’s why. When you say, ” I think we should be friends” what you’re really saying is, “Hi you are in no way attractive to me and completely undateable, and would view anything of the sort similar to incest” Remember ladies, it’s not what you say it’s how you say it. Aren’t I right? Another way men interpret it is in layman’s terms, is that you are not suited to pass on the family line. Plus I’m sorry to say ladies, especially when you are attractive, you put off the vibe of being a tease. Think of the hottest guy you know (besides me) and picture him saying let’s be friends, what does that say to you? maybe subconscious but it’s still there in your mind.  

So in the words of Aladdin, “let’s not be too hasty”. Let’s not be so hasty to throw the guy in the friend zone not only putting him…but potentially you into perpetual virginity, and the blueprints for bridges around your ceiling for your 80 cats.