Steps to Finding a Mr. or Ms. Right

OK, so you have decided that it is time to add someone to your life …

1: What is your motivation?

Are you lonely? Are you on the rebound? Do you want someone for activities? Are you being pressured by family or friends or do you sense that your biological clock is clicking away?

Before diving into the following this first step is critical.

Be clear on your motivation so you can best understand your needs.

Looking for an activity partner is less intent than what is needed for a “life” partner. And if looking for a life partner, keep at the head of your thinking that the time and energy needed to find Mr. or Ms. Right will be in direct proportion to how much pressure you have. The more pressure the longer it will take.

Be careful that you are not rushing to find someone. If on the rebound finding someone as soon as possible is a good goal but that person should only be for what rebounding is all about, temporary and transitional.

2: Make a list on paper of all of the features you would like in someone.

Putting thoughts to paper is very therapeutic as it requires more thinking than simply a mental picture. And make sure that you separate your list by various categories:

Physical type, clothing, hair type and color, financial strengths, etc. as well as personality traits. It is important that for any relationship to survive you actually like to look at the other person as well as having respect for who they are or what they have accomplished.

Financial strengths? YES! You must address ALL elements of what you perceive you want in a relationship. This does not mean anything at this point other than a simple reality check that if you ignore or hide even perceived values, any choice you make will be lacking a full and complete picture.

And financial strengths do not have to mean that the person must be rich. Simply having a solid base from which financial needs and goals are in control will go a long ways to having a secure relationship and no matter what type of relationship you seek.

Once you have your list, apply a rating of 1 to 5 with 5 being a perfect or ideal feature.

3: Convert your list to a narrative

Typically a list is a single item, maybe a few words but only one liner’s at most. Your level of success in finding someone – no matter the reason or need, will be in direct relation to the level of detail you drill down to in a narrative format.

Once you have built your first draft be prepared to edit and edit and then more editing until you have very short but well defined points that address and detail each value point.

It is also recommended that you keep a copy of your first draft separate from the final draft so you can go back and compare.

4: Stop by your mirror

Are you ready for a relationship; one that you want to be serious? Are you ready to close the deal? This is not to suggest that you need to consider a make-over, but …

There is a difference between being ready to make a good first-impression and not caring.

There is also the very strong possibility that if you have not been “out there” for some time you may have allowed yourself to begin “going to seed!” Your physical appearance can be a reflection of how you currently are inside.

And even if you are not over-weight, not having some level of regular exercise you’re likely lacking an optimum level of proper energy that will play against you.

5: Action steps and timeline

For some, a plan with logical steps is best. But for others, a lack of structure is perfectly OK. Only you can best decide but at all times try to keep to your true personality. Being anal about being orderly or worse, thinking you must be orderly may or may not be a good thing but if it is you and you are at peace with it then do not change it. If in your self-analysis you know you have elements about yourself that you want to change begin immediately and attempt to have them in check before you venture out.

6: Secret weapon

After you have completed all of the above I am going to divulge a secret weapon that may pre-empt the need for all or most of the above.

With the above you have clarified all of the elements, parts, steps and timeline (s) with a clear mental picture of your target Mr. or Ms. so start hitting the street (s). Look around for your “idea” of the perfect mate and then, pay close attention to the type of people they are hanging with. Do you see you? Do you see many of your traits in those that your ideal person is interacting with?

Because you have an idea of the type of person you would like to be with does not mean that that person is really the right choice. I venture to state that all of us have made wrong choices due to a perception basis and not a reality basis.

As an example, let’s say that you would like to marry Brad Pitt. OK, I know that Angelina Jolie would dust you away with no problem. But the point is, while it is perfectly normal to fantasize about Mr. Pitt it appears that he is very happy with Angelina so one might assume that her personality is a better fit for him then Jennifer was. Are you more like Angelina or Jennifer? Or neither? If not like Angelina you might safely assume that Brad is not going to be your ideal mate. But do not stop with your fantasies!

(And yes, I know I took the female side and many readers are men. So, either fantasize about Brad or replace him with a female … how about Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston, and then play it out as I have offered).

7: In closing, be prepared to simply “give it up”.

After you have gone through all or a part of the above you may in fact be trying too hard. Doing your homework is highly recommended but once you have completed the above, resulting in clarity of thought, throw it all away (or place it somewhere that you cannot get to easily) and just let whatever is going to happen to simply happen.

Be well and prosper.