Stress Proof Communication

Like all things in life, stress tends to compound them. Relationships are no different, if there is too much stress in one area and it goes unchecked, it is likely to cause a fracture. Keeping the lines of communication open is key to keeping a relationship on sturdy ground. Make sure that you listen, think, and use ‘I’ language.

Listening seems like an obvious idea or concept, yet our society as a whole is not very good at it. In a conversation, people have a tendency to think of a rebuttal while the other person is still talking. It is important to listen to what the person has to say, without interrupting them either mentally or verbally.

Listening is also useful in diffusing a situation. The person you are talking to is not as likely to get upset if they know that you are listening to what they are saying and that it is not just going in one ear and out the other. Common courtesy is not as common as it once was and it is easy to jump to the conclusion that people are not actually listening to what you are saying.

Eye contact and body language play a role in letting a person know that you are truly listening to what they have to say. It is not enough to act like you are listening because more often than not your body will give you away. Your eyes should be focused on the person speaking and your posture should be upright, without looking petulant or cross. Arms crossed in front of you is a sign of agitation or anger and often causes peoples’ hackles to rise whether you intend for them to or not.

Make sure that you think before you speak or respond. It is very easy to say whatever is on the end of our tongue; however it is impossible to take words back once they have been spoken. Relationships are a fragile thing, especially when they are under stress. Taking time to think, while not common in our culture also gives you time to make sure that you are not agreeing to something you do not want to or saying something that might come across the wrong way.

When people respond in haste, they often end up regretting what they said or feeling as though they have been pressured into a situation that they are no longer comfortable with. Taking the time to think benefits everyone involved, it allows you to make your own decision and lets the person you are talking to know that you are seriously thinking about what they said. It also follows that when a person is so intent on getting a quick answer out of you, they may have ulterior motives that may need to be explored.

Finally, ‘I’ language, it is not an error, it is one of the biggest secrets to communicating with other people while allowing you to say what you need to without running rough shod over the other person’s emotions. ‘I’ language can take a conversation that might have otherwise ended a relationship and turn it into a normal conversation.

‘I’ language is simply put, owning what you say. In conversations or arguments it is not unusual to hear, “You don’t ….” It is the “YOU” that gets people in trouble. A better way to explain things to someone is using the word ‘I’. “I don’t understand why…” This takes the blame out of your explanation. There is no reason to broche a subject with a combative attitude. If you are willing to own what you are saying then the other person will more than likely understand what you are saying the way that you intended them to.

In conclusion, give common courtesy a come back. Make sure that you listen to people, allow yourself the necessary time to think, and use ‘I’ language to own what you say. Here is to happy communicating and successful relationships!