Succeeding in a Long Distance Relationship

It may happen that the one you love is really far away from you at the moment.  What ever the reason may be for the distance, being in a relationship and far away can be challenging.  However, there are some simple things to keep in mind that can be of great help towards a successful relationship.  Do your part, be aware of the other person’s many dimensions, and make the distance temporary.

Do Your Part

This sounds like an obligation, and it is, but it should be easy.  Being in a relationship implies that there is a mutual understanding or expectation of conduct which usually comes in the from of how one ought to relate to the other.  Again, if both people love each other this should flow more naturally.

A long distance relationships, like any other kind of relationship, is advanced through communication and contact.  The long distance constrains this to such things as letters, phone calls, instant messaging, online social sites, and so on.

This means that in a long distance relationship, one ought to stride to contact the other person on a regular basis through these means.  If one is busy, one ought to make time.  Remember, this is how the relationship will be advanced and experienced, so the degree to which two people will have a relationship during the distance is determined by the degree to which the two contact each other.  Regular contact is very important.

Variety is the spice of life.  If one calls the other person everyday at two in the afternoon, that’s great, and it would be even better if a few emails were sent out every now and then or even a few calls here and there at different times.  It’s nice when one can expect contact from one’s other at any time or can at least expect something more than a mere routine and habitual relating.

Be Aware of the Other’s Dimensions

As human beings, we can often have many layers and even many minds.  We can receive input and give output in a variety of senses and methods.  Without getting to far into this for the moment, there are a few things to be aware of in this line of thought for long distance relationships.

There are stories of couples who went through a long distance relationship and then upon meeting found the other person to be intolerable.  A couple could meet and stay in touch via email and get along very well but then, upon meeting, find that they can’t get along at all.  How could this be?

Corresponding by writing is all good and fine.  One should be aware though that it is a limited experience; the other person’s voice cannot be heard, the eyes cannot be seen, and all the other nonverbal communication is lost.  Getting to know what a person is like by email is like trying to figure out what someone looks like by looking at pictures of that person’s shadow.

This limited ability to fully experience the other person is one of the most difficult parts of long distance relationships, and one should be aware of this.  One should strive to enrich the communication as much as possible.  Instant messaging is better than just emailing, because instant messaging tends to be more casual and personable.  Calling is better yet because the voice can be heard.  Video chatting is better yet because the face and voice can be experienced.  One should be creative and resourceful in communication, and know that nothing beats actually being with the person face to face.  If the distance isn’t too far, a weekend visit will prove valuable to see what the other person is truly like “in person” and whether a future with this person is feasible since many more dimensions of that person can be experienced in this way.

Even if all one can do is email or write letters, stay positive.  Any contact at all is worlds better than no contact.  One should make good use of the resources available so that one can experience the other person as fully as possible.