Survival of the Newlywed Male 1: Acceptable Vocabulary

Guys, be aware that as a husband, there are acceptable and unacceptable words, phrases and even entire sentences. Knowledge of this information is, without a doubt, your most important key to survival. To ignore this fact is the same as using a do-it-yourself circumcision kit! Lets begin with the most important words and phrases you will not only need to know, but should be able to utter without hesitation. First and foremost, all statements must have their roots in the word “yes”. Yes___(you can fill in the blank with the term of endearment of your choice) will be your most frequently used word as a successful mate. Practice saying yes until it becomes part of your breathing process.

Once you have mastered the yes word, its time to work on complete sentences. Start slow with statements such as “you’re right dear”, “whatever you say dear” and “of course dear”. Yes dear and of course dear are pretty much interchangeable as are whatever you say dear and you’re right dear. After a time, you will find yourself saying these with ease and may even feel comfortable adding a few of your own. Some samples of thr previous examples are as follows. “My mom is coming to stay for a week. ok”? Suggest response (think about it) “yes, of course dear”. If you chose this response you are well on your way to a peaceful existence. Lets try this one ” I don’t think you should watch sports as often”. Do not reply “thats because you don’t think”. The only acceptable response is, of course, “whatever you say dear”. Believe me guys. it will be to your advantage to learn and use this information.

Now that you’ve mastered the yes response, its time to talk about the very dangerous use of the no word. Be forewarned that there are very very few times no is an acceptable response. Here are a couple examples. “Do these slacks make me look fat”? Be extremely careful here, do not let any answer but no even enter your mind. “Of course they make you fat, you are fat” is not only unacceptable but possibly fatal. Try not to avoid eye contact or hesitate with your response. Say no. As you become more adept you may try answers such as “actually, I think they make you look taller”. Notice I said taller not slimmer. She won’t believe slimmer but taller means thinner. If she asks ” Am I wrong” ? answer no dear.