1.  Does your partner regularly receive more strokes than knocks from you? The person who regularly receives more positive than negative communications from a spouse can weather negatives now and then.  A person who gets more knocks than strokes might be overwhelmed by an additional negative.  It is important to the happiness of your partner that you convey positive communication to him/ her.

2.  Is the majority of your leisure time shared?  Many couples share housework and other necessary activities, and this sharing give them good vibes.  It is just as important, however, that both partners share leisure time together as well.  Togetherness might be losing its appeal if the majority of either partner’s leisure time is spent either alone, or with others outside of the marriage.

3.  Are you able to spend more time together away from all?  Couples should plan a special togetherness event on a regular basis.  A constant state of activity can either choke out togetherness or be used as an escape for closeness.  When a couple can look forward to a special planned event for the just for them selves and later look back on it, it can provide abundant satisfaction.

4.  Do you usually settle disagreements with mutual satisfaction and no bitterness?  Sometimes differences do take place and must be handled.  It is important to handle them in such a way that good feelings for and about each other can exist afterward.  Use of physical force or verbal assault is no way to resolve a disagreement without creating  some type of bitterness.  In a disagreement, the couple should not resort to name-calling, bring up everything wrong that he or she knows about the other partner, or expose his or her vulnerable areas in an attempt to “win” the disagreement.

5.  Between the two of you, do you have a satisfying, balanced at home an away-from-home work load?  A 50-50 division of home chores may not be workable or desirable.  Some chores done by one spouse may be symbolic – the husband’s limited participation in certain household tasks may mean sharing and caring to his wife.  The important thing is not how much each one does, but how each one feels about the division of the home chores.  Of course, feelings about work at home usually relate to the amount of it each one does.

6.  In your relationship, is there any game-playing with money, sex, employment, etc?  In marriage, sex and money are common topics for arguments.  However, the root of such disagreements usually goes deeper.  The husband more often controls the money, and the wife is the major decision-maker concerning sexual activity.  Of course, in an ideal marriage both partners share in all major decisions.  But money, sexual activity, or hours on the job can be used to express anger, revenge, the need to control, the need to escape, or other feelings that one spouse finds it difficult to express directly.

7.   Is your physical expression of sex mutually satisfying?  There is no set form or frequency for any couple’s sexual activity.  However, both partners should feel fulfilled and happy with whatever they do and how often they do it.

8.  Is either of you dallying dangerously with someone outside the marriage?  Many affairs begin apparently innocently.  One partner will begin to spend a little more time, and to joke with a little extra sparkle, with an attractive member of the opposite sex.  A common setting for such dalliance is the job.  Dallying may start out innocently, but can lead to further involvement later.  Those who are serious about their marriage would nip such activity in the bud if they could see the end from the beginning.  One marriage counselor wisely said, “Those who in the way of duty are brought into trial may be sure that God will preserve them; but if men (or women)  willfully place themselves under the power of temptation, they will fall sooner or later.”

9.  Do you feel wanted, loved and appreciated?   The need to feel wanted, loved and appreciated is normal and healthy.  If this need is not met in marriage (and the modern family’s isolation from relatives puts a heavy burden on marital partners), the void may be inappropriately filled by such things as overeating, an ego boosting affair, unreasonable demands from the partner, etc.  A satisfying answer to this question could depend on “right” answers to the others.

10.  In your relationship, is anything missing that you feel is necessary? Sometimes one partner feels that something he or she really needs is missing from the marital relationship.  If one needs more affection, for example, and the other is willing to be more affectionate, the needy partner can attempt to reduce his or her need and meet the mate halfway.  The mate can show daily concern by reaching out to show affection – possibly a new and risky experience for that person.