Ten Relationship Check Points
by It is healthy to review these marital check-ups at least once a year to uncover cracks in a marriage before they become chasms, and that such a look at your relationship can result in a renewed commitment to a rewarding, growing marriage.
6. In your relationship, is there any game-playing with money, sex, employment, etc? In marriage, sex and money are common topics for arguments. However, the root of such disagreements usually goes deeper. The husband more often controls the money, and the wife is the major decision-maker concerning sexual activity. Of course, in an ideal marriage both partners share in all major decisions. But money, sexual activity, or hours on the job can be used to express anger, revenge, the need to control, the need to escape, or other feelings that one spouse finds it difficult to express directly.
7. Is your physical expression of sex mutually satisfying? There is no set form or frequency for any couple’s sexual activity. However, both partners should feel fulfilled and happy with whatever they do and how often they do it.
8. Is either of you dallying dangerously with someone outside the marriage? Many affairs begin apparently innocently. One partner will begin to spend a little more time, and to joke with a little extra sparkle, with an attractive member of the opposite sex. A common setting for such dalliance is the job. Dallying may start out innocently, but can lead to further involvement later. Those who are serious about their marriage would nip such activity in the bud if they could see the end from the beginning. One marriage counselor wisely said, “Those who in the way of duty are brought into trial may be sure that God will preserve them; but if men (or women) willfully place themselves under the power of temptation, they will fall sooner or later.”
9. Do you feel wanted, loved and appreciated? The need to feel wanted, loved and appreciated is normal and healthy. If this need is not met in marriage (and the modern family’s isolation from relatives puts a heavy burden on marital partners), the void may be inappropriately filled by such things as overeating, an ego boosting affair, unreasonable demands from the partner, etc. A satisfying answer to this question could depend on “right” answers to the others.
10. In your relationship, is anything missing that you feel is necessary? Sometimes one partner feels that something he or she really needs is missing from the marital relationship. If one needs more affection, for example, and the other is willing to be more affectionate, the needy partner can attempt to reduce his or her need and meet the mate halfway. The mate can show daily concern by reaching out to show affection – possibly a new and risky experience for that person.
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