You’ve gotten all dressed up for the big date. Time passes and your date is nowhere to be found. You’ve just been stood up. Here are ten things that you might like to say to the guy that stood you up on the following day:

1. You are lower than the lowest life form. Never come near me again.
2. I’m glad you didn’t show up. By the way, I’m going out with your best friend Jim.
3. Do you know what the difference between you and scum is? At least scum shows up around the house
4. So you apologize for not showing up. You apologize for not calling me. The problem with you is that you are just a real sorry substitute for a human being.
5. You stood me up so that you could go out with my friend Melinda? Here’s news for you. Melinda has dated the entire football squad. I hope you didn’t catch anything. On second thought, I hope you have.
6. I’m not upset. Really I’m not. Just go dunk your head in a pool full of water and stay there for twenty minutes.
7. I’m not mad. Sure I spent $300 on a special evening gown but why should I be mad? Of course I also spent $125 for some dress shoes. Why should I be angry? Sure you humiliated me and made me look like a fool. I’m not mad at all. Oh I almost forgot. I super glued your locker shut. Also, I posted a picture of you on the Internet kissing a frog. Best of all, I spread the rumor that you enjoy watching Barney the Dinosaur and Blues Clues. Have a nice day.
8. Since you decided not to show up for our date, I’ve decided to make your life a living hell. You will take me out every day this week or else I will tell the principal how you’ve cheated on every exam in your math and science classes. I have the proof in an undisclosed location. See you at 7:00 and bring plenty of cash.
9. Why didn’t you show up last night Biff? Was it my braces? Was it my acne? Was it my skinny body? What was it? If you’re feeling a little itchy, I want you to know that I sprayed itchy powder all over your clothes. I’m sure that you’ll have a wonderful time scratching yourself all day in school.
10. You told me that you cared about me. You lied. You told me that you loved me. You lied again. You told me that you would take me to somewhere special. You lied, and lied, and lied. Well Mr. Liar, I have news for you. I told you that I wasn’t pregnant. Guess what? I lied.