The Art of the Break-Up (For Him)

• The Blow-Off. Women attempt to cold-shoulder or silent-treat people sometimes, so it’s an attempt they understand, right? Right. We do understand it. And we will call you out on it. The objection? It all boils down to equality, control and who makes the decisions in the relationship. Here’s how I see this: If you’re sleeping together (or have slept together) it’s not a good idea to fall off the face of the planet. She may hunt you down out of worry, or out of “worry.” When she finds you (and odds are she will find you) there will be a nasty scene. On top of this, you get huge asshole demerits. Public opinion will not work in your favor. Even other guys will decry your assish and cowardly maneuver. 
• The Step-Down Program. This is the method that I’ve gradually come to prefer (and the one that everyone else I’ve spoken with does, too). It’s a bit manipulative, but safe, comfortable and simple. It is a bit more time-consuming than traditional methods, but lets the other person down easy- so easy, if done correctly, that they don’t know they’re being let go at all. It’s simple: go about your business as usual, but just begin to withdraw. Be emotionally distant. Gradually stop spending as much time with her. Stop having sex (I know, but this is essential, really.). Stop telling her about your problems and successes. Gently but carefully ease your way out of the relationship. Given enough time and luck, this seamlessly results in her breaking up with you; her ego is saved, she won’t resent you, and she probably won’t bad-mouth you (too much). You get to be the sensitive boyfriend that just wasn’t meeting her needs. It’s not you, it’s her.  NOTE: There is the occasional will-of-steel woman that will ride this out. In that case, you’ll have to revert to one of the more primitive methods above.

There’s a lot to think about when going into a break-up, but if you’re reading this article this means you’ve already been doing some thinking and have most likely arrived at a pivotal decision or two already. Remember your Disney films and let your conscience be your guide, and if your conscience has only been sighted on milk cartons for the past few years, go with your best guess at which option is the lesser of the evils.

Here’s to your freedom.