The Best Love Lesson

So many times in relationships we find ourselves at a point where something elusive seems to be missing for us or sometimes for the other person. What’s missing becomes a focal point, and because we are unable to put our finger right on it, it becomes a mystery that needs solving. It grows, and grows.  Then, all we see is that big, missing, elusive quality. The relationship ends. You have either been hurt by rejection, or have rejected another…..All for something that just feels a bit “off”.

What do you want from love?

Not, what are you willing to settle for, but what kind of relationship do you want? If you want a complete and unlimited relationship, you have to BE a person who is capable and ready to have that. We tend to attract people who in some way validate our views about ourselves and relationships. That means if you are a person who believes that love hurts, you will find partners who hurt you. You expect it, they offer to validate your expectation by giving you reassurance that love DOES hurt.  Then, your fear is fed the food that it needs to continue to live inside of you and to grow. You have to make a concious effort to hold what you want, what you really want love to be closest to you, INSPITE of your past pain. If you hold the pain closer than you do your vision of happiness, the pain will be validated before the happiness. That’s a fact.

The single most important element in ANY love relationship is…

That you like who YOU are in the relationship. That you are the kind of partner that makes you feel good about yourself. The other person is secondary. What you feel about who you are in the context of the relationship is EVERYTHING. If you feel honest and available and balanced, you will have a relationship that is those things. Your relationship will validate who you are. Who you are comes first. You determine what kind of relationship you have by putting what you believe into the very foundation, right from the start.  Having fears or issues with intimacy will attract people with those same fears, or worse, people who will feed them.

Be kind to yourself.

It does no good to pretend to be something that you’re not. If you are negative about relationships, it’s time to work on that in your relationship with yourself. Fears are deep rooted and painful. Acknowledging them is a very powerful first step in the journey to a great loving relationship. A relationship like that is worth the work you do to find the “free space” to have it. YOU are worth that work.

There is no better feeling than loving the person that YOU ARE in a relationship.

It is what matters most of all.