The Days After Your Loved Ones Have Left You

After talking about both parents going through illness, sadness and finally death, I’m sure like me there are a lot of you out there in the same or have been in the same situation. What next?

I realized that I was free from hospitals dreaded phone calls and the smell bad things that was happening.

It may be difficult to relate to this, but I had gone through this for two years, don’t get me wrong, they were my parents and I would do it all over again.

It’s just you have this big gap where suddenly you are not needed to go here there and everywhere.

The worst thought was the fact I was not to be going down to their house any more, a lovely couple with a little girl had moved in and, although I was happy for them the feeling of resentment creeps in. This was my home not there’s. Of course you don’t say anything, just smile sweetly when you hand over the keys to the house then turn away and cry buckets in the car.

I still do cry and I still go past the house when I go down to the metro centre for shopping. I don’t cry unless it’s at night when I always see dad peeping out of the window waiting for me to come to see him. That’s when it hurts.

One day 4 months after they had both passed away, I suddenly felt I couldn’t walk through the front door. Why you might ask so long after the event. I Don’t no. I just realised that if I did go out someone could find me walking down a street and I wouldn’t know who I was or what I was doing. I had suddenly ground to a halt.

In the middle of an extension on the house, and two months before Christmas I decided to have a small break down.

Well I didn’t realise what was happening at the time but like my husband said you do pick your times!

I went to the doctors and she wasn’t surprised I felt like this. Anti depressants’ given and told to rest and take it easy.

That was easier said than done Christmas an extension being built and four builders in and out of the house. I am glad I did go on the sick from work as I could not have coped with all the niceness from the children, they are so sweet and innocent and ask you questions about (your mummy and daddy going to heaven). It’s an emotional time and you cannot break down and cry every few minutes.

I did at home, a song a sad television programme, anything could set me off.

My kids were fantastic though cups of tea and my youngest would bring a cushion for my legs, put on a DVD, they were lovely. Flowers, every week from my hubby, you can’t get better than that.

Christmas came and went and for the first time in my life I was glad it meant nothing. I made an effort for the family but, to me it meant nothing.

I knew I had to kick start myself into the person I had been. I had one dog that was a lovely and gentle creature. So I took her for more walks. I decided to get another dog a working cocker spaniel. An x police one that didn’t make the grade.

He was just what I needed fresh and a joy to take for a walk. Ellie my other dog was the kindest and gentlest dog I had ever had, but wasn’t keen to go on long walks.

I went out every morning after the kids went to school; the cold weather was tingling on my face but so exhilarating I felt free and the heavy feeling that I had for so long was gradually going.

It is not easy picking yourself up when depression hits you, but, you and you only can pick yourself up from this.

So be strong, fight for what you really want in yourself. Life is to short make the most of believe me there’s so much to do out there. God bless