The Devil is Such an Angel…

I have heard you crying because your boyfriend left you. I have seen that you tried to find the answers for so many “whys” left hanging on the air…Your eyes were now tired for endless crying and sleepless nights, but did the pain subside?  Definitely no, that’s why you started to curse the person you used to love with a thought that he’s such a devil who doesn’t give a damn care for what you feels.

                  That’s what I always witness among people being left out by someone they love. But let me tell you this, no matter how you’ve been badly hurt, the one who walked out and bid the saddest goodbye sometimes is the one that is on the worst situation. You just don’t know…because he never wants you to know…

     Sometimes, saying to yourself that you never saw it coming didn’t hold true either. That there were no clues showing he’s already unhappy in your relationship. He did give signs but you refused to see it. Instead, you gave excuses for all his lapses before he gave you the lame ones. He intended not to send you text messages, but you just thought he just ran out of load…he intentionally didn’t answer your call, but you thought he just fell asleep, he didn’t care to give you a visit, but you still say you understand because he has work to do.

                 Yes, you never had those arguments you tried to reminisce, because he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, and just agrees on what you want to finish the conversation. You think he loves you because he sends you bouquet of flowers, chocolates and cards full of sweet nothings. You feel he cared because he always reminds you to take good care of yourself, checking if you are safe and at home already. Greeting you the sweetest good night and brightest good morning the next day. Your most special moment in your everyday is his way of taking you in his arms, holding your hands so tight, giving you gentle kisses and whispering to your ear the grandest iloveyous…

                Yes, he did it with all his heart, because he is trying his very best to somehow reciprocate all the love you unselfishly give to him. Yes, he tried to love you but unfortunately he never succeeded.
   
                And the moment he accepted the truth, dilemma came upon him. He can’t stay that long now in front of you. He is feeling guilty to see you wearing that beautiful smile for him only to be taken away if he blurted out the truth. It’s so hard for him to hide what he truly feels because he doesn’t want you to worry about him. Because he knows how much you will be affected if he tells you the things that keeps on bugging him, thoughts that he dare not to share with you. 
   
               He wanted to say it as soon as he possibly can to shorten your sufferings but you will still celebrating your birthday soon or Christmas is near. See, he still wants you to be happy on these special moments of your life?.He began to experience too many sleepless nights, more than yours, perhaps. No crying moments of course, but a lot of drunken nights with his friends. He’s been analyzing how and where he will start telling you? How will you be able to handle it? .And eventually, he feel bitter of himself, because he knows he will hurt an angel.
   
               Then the moment of truth came…he took a deep breath, and got enough strength to let go of his tears while bidding his saddest goodbye. It’s not a part of his play like what you are thinking. He cried because he doesn’t want to say what he said. He doesn’t want to go and leave you either. Yes, he doesn’t want to lose you.  What he truly wants is to keep you, take good care of you, and treasure you forever in his arms. He wanted to kiss away all your tears, take away all your doubts in him and comfort you. You won’t believe this but he almost hugged you and never let go of you while taking back what has already been said. Yes, he almost did it…like the hell you wish he did ,but in vain. .Because he cares for you a lot and he thinks of your welfare more than you know, and he is determined to give what’s best for you—-by setting you free.

    He let go off your hand not because he doesn’t want to be with you nor he care less. But because he wanted you to spread your wings, fly higher and find your true home where you will see and feel all the best that you deserve.

    You are not the only one who has many questions in the air…He also have it all. He keep on seeking for answers, and too bad, he can’t find even one.He turned his back, with a heavy heart. He knew deep within his heart that he might never meet someone like you…with a love like yours — so genuine. And as he took his steps away, a fear inside of him comes out. A fear that in time…he might feel too sorry for himself, to let go of someone who been ready to take good care of him for the rest of his life. Feeling so weak and a loser, for he can’t change a thing and to himself just let out a whisper, “If I can only dictate my heart..”

               Instead of cursing him for not being able to return the love you hope for, just be grateful enough that he let go of you — gives you the chance to find the real love you are worthy of.