The Effects of Divorce

I went back home feeling even more left out. My mom was focused on her new boyfriend, and my brother was always preoccupied with either barney or food. I’d sit and cry for hours at a time. I remember one of my favorite cusions showing me deep wounds that she’d done to herself. Reassuring me that she was in no danger, and that it was something that kept her sane. Finally, I found the one thing that made me feel like I had power. I hid the scissors and gradually started.

My back was the only place no one would be able to see. I progressively started getting worse and worse, I felt pain as a good thing, took away each and every one of my troubles. I started dressing horrible, and not giving a crap about my appearance. Not only did I cut myself, I also started making my dad mad at me on purpose to the point where he had to hit me. That was pain in a less aggressive way, and it felt great.

I grew to become independent. I was quiet, but always had a smile on my face, I always looked happy. I was the girl with the coolest friends, the newest clothes, the coolest shoes, though no one really knew the real me. As an eleven year old, I didn’t understand. It was getting addicting, the pain I mean. My cuts became horrible, the pain became excruciating, and one day i couldn’t take it anymore. I went to my mom’s room crying, begging her not to be mad at me.    

From that day on i was sent to counseling. I was eleven and a half years old and i still got stickers for every good thing I did. I was taught to write my feelings down on paper, to be able to cry(something i was incapable of), and draw with a red marker. I finally stopped, but the pain inside me was not close to being gone. At thirteen everything seemed to be getting alot better. Dad had a new girlfriend, and mom still had her soon to be husband. I had the world’s best friends, and the world’s most amazing boyfriend. I was the most happiest girl alive

My boyfriend showed me love, the love of family, and love towards me, since I never did receive that kind of feeling before. I was so insecure, so unsure of what I wanted. I felt as if i didn’t deserve such an amazing guy. Nevertheless, he stood by my side, Connor Buck, a name i will never forget, a person I will always remember. Not only did he show me fun, how to count the stars, and how to do a flip on a trampoline. He also showed me how to love, how to express my feelings openly, and how to argue the right way.

Life was going so great, till our house rent was increasing dramaticaly to the point where my mom couldn’t afford it anymore. We had to move, we had no choice whatsoever. So we packed our stuff…I graduated from Canyon Hills Jr. High, and the next day i was living in La Puente, with no friends and a boyfriend who live thirty some minutes away. He broke up with me a month later with no strong reason. I was completely destroyed. Then from the beggining I started.