The Five Most Effective Relationship Tips for Men
by A man married over thirty years (with all the ups and downs) shares his experience.
Let’s face it, any long term relationship goes through trials and tribulations. Even new relationships run into snags pretty quickly. Those people who insist “We never fight” scare me. Usually that translates into “I bury what I really feel!” As a man in a long term relationship I can only express what I have found to work from a male perspective. This isn’t “sensitivity training” or a “softer gentler” approach. Just some common sense pointers that surprisingly enough, I found benefitted me, in some ways, not only in my marriage but my friendships and work relationships as well.
1) Be Honest
I know that sounds simplistic but there’s a lot more to being honest then just telling the truth. Being honest means not holding back part of the story. As men we all have a tendency to do that. “I ate dinner out with the guys tonight” might technically be the truth. When the credit card bill comes and it’s $175.00 you’ll find you may have been better served including the fact that you picked up the tab for everyone. When you hide part of the story it’s almost always because you yourself doubt the wisdom of the decision and not that your significant other will be angry.
Being honest also applies to your motivations. There are always the funny stories about guys buying there wives big screen TV’s for Christmas but tell her the truth about why you think or do things. She may not agree with your reasoning but she’ll at least know where you’re really coming from.
2) Be Responsible
This doesn’t just apply to things being repaired around the house guys. This also means the ability to take accountability for your actions and your mistakes. If you made a mess of the financial end of things admit it, ask for help and correct it. If you said something in the heat of the moment don’t blame her. You know, the “Well, if you hadn’t said this, I wouldn’t have said that!” kind of stuff. Your inability to control your anger or your tongue is no ones fault but your own. Apologizing when you’re wrong doesn’t make you a wimp, it makes you a grown-up.
3) Be Empathetic
Most men aren’t even sure what that word means. It does not mean feel sorry for your spouse. It does not mean agree with everything your spouse says. It does not mean give her anything she wants as long as she’ll stop crying. It means really and truly, blank your mind of all the possible solutions or excuses you’re trying to come up with and put yourself in the other persons situation. When you truly do this and assess how you would react with the same knowledge and in the same circumstances, I guarantee the manner in which you communicate will change. The way we communicate with our bosses in difficult or heated situations can often be very different than the way we communicate with our spouses. Why? Because whether we disagree mightily with the boss, we respect his position. Why would you treat a person you’ve decided to spend every day with and build a life around any differently?
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