There comes a time in almost every relationship where things get a little like a roller coaster. You don’t really know what’s going on, but it’s still kind of a blast. You still have those love feelings, but now the relationship seems anything but loving. I have totally been there.

This article actually comes from a frustrated reader of mine. Here is her posting.

#15 by Coleen, Jun 4, 2008

“k heres the problem…i do love my boyfriend but when he isn’t around i want him around but when he is around i don’t want him around. so yeah none of this info helps me at all!!!!! so get a dang clue!”

By the way Coleen, I got the clue. I hope that this is the article for you.

Relationships are not merely experiences in your life that should just happen. You should be active and proactive in your relationships. Make things happen as well as be okay with what is happening and work with the relationship from there. Yes, I said the dreadful word “work.” I know that you thought that relationships should be a “free-for-all,” but not in the least bit.

A Little Bit Much?

I am asking you to take consideration of your relationship with your love. I am asking you to focus on your relationship with your love. I am asking you to love your relationship with your love. These are not unfair questions. They are very fair. Why be in a relationship with someone if you don’t want to consider, focus on and love them?

So Are You Ready for Love Works 101?

The way Coleen feels about her boyfriend is a classic feeling in relationships. When they are gone you want them there. When they are there, then they are getting on your nerves. I feel this feeling about my boyfriend very often, on both ends of that spectrum.

Be Yourself

I am going to give you some advice that is not often given in dealing with relationships with others. But it most certainly will help you in your relationships. Be yourself. Don’t get caught up in how you should act or what you should be doing. Free yourself and accept yourself for the way you are. Express your feelings (now, I would use some tact here) and let your lover know what’s on your mind.

What does this have to do with not wanting your lover around sometimes? Often times when we do not want someone else around we are not accepting some of their attributes. More often than not we are not accepting of their attributes because we feel like we are holding back, so why shouldn’t they hold back, too. So, again I say be yourself, then you can accept your mate.

The Self-Acceptance Lie

Now, just because you are yourself, doesn’t always mean that you will always accept the other person. You may think that what you do is right and what they do is wrong and they should do it like you, because you are better. No one likes to say that out loud, but that is just what it comes down to.

At this point you are only being self loving (selfish). You may have love feelings for the other person, but the reality of it all is that you do not actually love them. Love is an action. It can only be expressed in action. Words can not express love. Only what you do can express it well.

On to Actual Loving

“Actual Loving” is finding out what makes your lover feel loved, and trying to do those very things in a way that agrees with your own morals and values. I know that is a long definition, but if you meditate on it for a while, you will see that it is simple.

I preach this mantra many times over. If you are doing something that your lover likes, but you feel bad when you do it, then your lover will feel the love from it. You don’t have to do everything that makes your lover feel loved. Most of the time it is just that one thing you do that is the most attractive. I am not talking about in the bedroom either. That is a not the right place to have just one attractive trait. But that is a whole other article.

Getting Off The Lover Coaster (Pepto-Bismol, Anyone?)

Tolerance. Tolerance. Tolerance. Acceptance. Acceptance. Acceptance. I can not say it more. Your lover is not perfect. You are not perfect. You are not better. The two of you are one. No matter whether you are married or not. The two of you have joined together in a holy union whether you like it or not.

Your Lover is a Reflection of You

That last line may be hard to swallow, but it is a truth. One that had been very hard for me to accept in my relationship, up to this moment. As I typed those words, understanding came immediately.

So, if you love your lover and don’t want to keep taking them on the coaster. Or if you are just on the coaster inside yourself. These are some cool tips to help you get off. I hope this helps, especially you Colleen.