The Lover Coaster

The Self-Acceptance Lie

Now, just because you are yourself, doesn’t always mean that you will always accept the other person. You may think that what you do is right and what they do is wrong and they should do it like you, because you are better. No one likes to say that out loud, but that is just what it comes down to.

At this point you are only being self loving (selfish). You may have love feelings for the other person, but the reality of it all is that you do not actually love them. Love is an action. It can only be expressed in action. Words can not express love. Only what you do can express it well.

On to Actual Loving

“Actual Loving” is finding out what makes your lover feel loved, and trying to do those very things in a way that agrees with your own morals and values. I know that is a long definition, but if you meditate on it for a while, you will see that it is simple.

I preach this mantra many times over. If you are doing something that your lover likes, but you feel bad when you do it, then your lover will feel the love from it. You don’t have to do everything that makes your lover feel loved. Most of the time it is just that one thing you do that is the most attractive. I am not talking about in the bedroom either. That is a not the right place to have just one attractive trait. But that is a whole other article.

Getting Off The Lover Coaster (Pepto-Bismol, Anyone?)

Tolerance. Tolerance. Tolerance. Acceptance. Acceptance. Acceptance. I can not say it more. Your lover is not perfect. You are not perfect. You are not better. The two of you are one. No matter whether you are married or not. The two of you have joined together in a holy union whether you like it or not.

Your Lover is a Reflection of You

That last line may be hard to swallow, but it is a truth. One that had been very hard for me to accept in my relationship, up to this moment. As I typed those words, understanding came immediately.

So, if you love your lover and don’t want to keep taking them on the coaster. Or if you are just on the coaster inside yourself. These are some cool tips to help you get off. I hope this helps, especially you Colleen.