The Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage Cycle
by We in the enlightened west are very fond of our freedoms, especially the freedom to pursue personal happiness. This includes the freedom to marry whoever we choose and then to divorce and move on when we are no longer happy in that marriage. How is this working out for us?
(Note: I am Canadian, which is part of North America. I am using the term ‘American’ to refer to both Canada and the United States. Our societal norms are very similar, although Canadians are nicer and we have Tim Horton’s coffee.)
The statistics are grim for marriage in the United States and Canada. According to NationMaster statistics for 2004, the U.S. had the highest divorce rate in the world, with 4.95 divorces per year for every 1000 people. Canadians did a little better, with 2.46 divorces per year per 1000 people. I found it ironic that no sooner were homosexual couples allowed to marry in Canada, there was need for new legislation to allow them to divorce.
So what can be done about it? Should anything be done about it? Is it time for legally registered marriage to go the way of the dinosaur?
What would replace marriage as the foundation of the family unit? We seem to be in the process of replacing it with a lifelong series of supposedly monogamous cohabitations. In other words, adults in America are foregoing the traditional wedding vows in which a husband and wife would declare “before God and these witnesses” their commitment to stay together “for better or for worse, until death do us part.” For those who do tie a legal knot, it is no longer with the expectation of a lifelong commitment. Prenuptial agreements and easy no-fault divorce ensures that no one will be trapped in an outdated institution when a current partner no longer makes them happy, or when a more appealing partner is found.
We also seem to have redefined the word “monogamy” to refer only to sexual faithfulness to a current partner. Before and in between marriages or cohabitations, consenting adults are legally and morally free to indulge in whatever form of sexual activity feels “right” for them. Unfaithfulness to a current partner is still somewhat taboo, but adultery is no longer considered the scarlet letter it once was. It may result in the dissolution of the current relationship, but society expects those who have been hurt by an unfaithful partner to get over it and move on to another relationship with a more deserving partner. Thus the cycle of marriage, divorce, remarriage continues.
Are the statistics any better among Christian couples? That depends on the definition of “Christian” and on which of many conflicting research studies we think could be accurate.
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Post CommentGoodselfme
On September 15, 2009 at 4:01 pm
I am not at all surprised that I agree with your post. Especially if everyone were to say yes to Christ as their personal Savior. As best we would be able to as mortals, we would be on a much better path than we (Canadians and Americans) are now. You, again have my admiration for your wisdom in research. Your poll is certainly a slice of what is actually happening. If you were to do that in all churches, it probably would show similar results.
Stephen J. Ardent
On September 15, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Good article.
Personal responsibility is at an all time low.
And fathers have become…the source of all ills and throwaway.
Holly J. Harrington
On September 15, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Karen I say bravo. Alleluia and Amen.
Its because everyone finds no-fault divorce fantastic.
Has nothing to to do with responsibility or caring about ones faith.
Its about not courting like we used to do in the old days before we decided on it for life.
No one has to agree with me either and I agree with you chuckle chuckle Canadians indeed can be nicer and yes I do like Tim Horton’s coffee.
Im sure no one will agree with me either but I feel the same way.
God Bless and thanks again gutsy lady for standing up for what its all about when Christ talked about divorce and what it really means.
Keep up the fantastic writing.
Were definitely still a “throw away” society. I just hope God will be merciful someday.
Daisy Peasblossom
On September 15, 2009 at 10:15 pm
This is not a simple situation, and it does not have a simple solution. While the “no-fault” divorce has allowed the dissolution of marriages for less than criminal reasons, there are still good and cogent reasons for marital partnerships to be dissolved. When a woman is afraid for herself and her children, when funds do not go toward supporting the family, when one partner or the other indulges in emotional sabotage, (among other reasons) the home is NOT a good place for anyone. Divorce should never be taken lightly; it creates emotional scars in everyone involved. But there are times when it is needed.
PR Mace
On September 15, 2009 at 10:33 pm
My son is in the middle of a divorce. His wife will not work, not clean house, not cook, not care for the children and wants a free ride. She has become abusive to him and the children and he is fighting for his daughters. Marriage is hard work and it takes two people. I have been married for close to 28 years and Craig is my second husband. My first husband liked to hit me. Thank goodness we did not have children. I found my love and soul-mate in Craig. I was blessed to find him.
Christine Ramsay
On September 16, 2009 at 3:04 am
I think it is far too easy to get a divorce these days. Some young people rush into marriage, knowing that if they don’t like it they can get a divorce. That defeats the object of marriage vows. A good and thought provoking post.
Christine
Karen Gross
On September 16, 2009 at 7:12 am
Thank you for your kind comments, and for the reminder about abusive relationships – I was going to add the disclaimer that I don’t expect anyone to stay in an abusive relationship.
I also do not see divorce and remarriage as an unforgivable sin. The Evangelical church has for too long been too harsh on those who have been forgiven by God for past mistakes.
1 Corinthians 7:15 says that in a marriage between an unbeliever and a believer that if the unbelieving spouse leaves, a believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances Matthew 5:32 also makes an exception for those who divorce because the partner has been unfaithful.
julianhw
On September 16, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I agree with Christine – vows are vows, and the importance of which give personal integrity credence. There are always extenuating circumstances but they should be the exception not the rule. I know it is now a bit of a cliche but as William Congreve said “Grief walks upon the heels of pleasure; married in haste, we repent at leisure.”
Ruby Hawk
On September 17, 2009 at 10:40 pm
There are many reasons for a parting of the ways. unfaithfulness, abuse, shiftlessness, loss of love. We have always had these problems but women have not had choices available and the ability to support herself and her children. Women have been required to bear the burden of an unhappy marriage for the sake of her children and her livihood. Now, we work and make our own decisions. It’s wonderful to raise children in a marriage if the marriage is good and loving, otherwise the couple and children are better off apart.
Petalm
On October 1, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Although I am not Christian, I am religious and see your point. People need to work at marrage.
Chris Stonecipher
On October 4, 2009 at 12:52 am
Excellent article, well written and informative. Thanks for sharing.