The Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage Cycle

We now accept many behaviours and lifestyle choices that were taboo before the 60’s. What would have been called promiscuity then is considered normal behaviour now.  Movies like “The Forty-year Old Virgin” lend credence to the concept that only nerds and unattractive people are virgins, and that abstinence as a choice is weird.

So far, I have discussed how our moral freedom has affected adults in our society. The impact on children has, in my opinion, been a travesty. We complain about “kids today” and we are quick to place the blame on one or more of the usual scapegoats: parents, teachers, movies and TV, violent video games – and I believe that all of these have a share in the blame. I think that our entire society is to blame. I mentioned earlier that freedom is intoxicating, and we each tend to believe that our own behaviour and the choices that we make only affect ourselves. This belief could only be true for individuals whose behaviour is very different from the norm. Unfortunately, freedom, tolerance, and the rejection of moral absolutes have permeated western culture.

The new creed for families is that it is better for children to have happy divorced parents than to have feuding parents who stay together for the sake of the children. This conviction has led to the phenomenal rise of single parent families and blended families. Children get bounced around, while parents spend exorbitant sums for court costs to fight for custody of the children. It is no longer unusual to see a family where all of the children have different last names.

Has this trend resulted in happy parents? I have never personally experienced divorce, but I think I can safely surmise that going through the marriage-divorce-remarriage cycle once or twice or more does not result in happy parents.  The statistics of divorce rates for second, third, or subsequent marriages is a glaring indication that they do not. And as for children, I think that it is very safe to say that going through the blender of blended families several times has not resulted in happy, emotionally stable children.

Would we better off with less personal freedom? If we could reverse the changes that we thought were a sign of progress, and bring back the societal expectations that most adults get married, have children (in that order) and stay married until parted by death? If we went back to encouraging teenage moms to give their babies up for adoption so that infertile couples would not have to resort to expensive fertility clinics, how would that affect our society? If we stopped spreading the message that teenagers cannot control their sexual impulses so we can’t expect them to choose abstinence, would a majority of teenagers who are taught instead that sexual purity until marriage is not really that difficult choose this goal?

I understand that the opinions expressed in this article do not reflect public opinion. Those who disagree with me are not likely to have read this far. If you have read this far, please leave a comment whether you agree with me or not. Thank you.