The Meaning of my “I Do “: Surviving the Turbulent Early Stage of Marriage
by We often hear a lot of advices to keep a marriage strong. Some we listen to, most we don’t, but as we go through that life of being married, we will often find our self looking back and searching for some help.
During my wedding day, a few of our married guests were asked to speak and offer some advice on married life. One of the guest said that the first 5 years of marriage is the most crucial and bumpy part of the road to successful marriage. I dare say, quite true!
I was 22 when I got married, five months pregnant of our first daughter. Like any other youngster who rushed into marriage, I said my “I do” without really realizing what I am getting myself into. Being raised in a relatively conservative and Catholic Christian – dominated country, all I think of then was that marriage would save me and my family from shame. Also, marrying the one guy that I ever truly love was not so bad at all.
Then, the problems came and it shook our marriage to its new and almost brittle foundation. At some point we failed and so we went through trial separation. We both tried to move on with our lives as if we never said our vows, pushed each other away, broke each others heart and pride, until fate forced us to confront each other and deal with our issues.
After months of feeling betrayed, hurt and abused, I have finally resolved to try and give our marriage a chance. Not very young anymore, I tried to look back at the past three years and ten months of our life as a couple and tried to remember what I was thinking back then when I said My marriage vows. Looking back and anticipating the future,. I realized that somehow, a person changes ones the tides of life had struck him. Here are my few reflections.
1. When I said “I do”, I was thinking that this is going to save me. Today, I realized that marriage did not save me from shame but that my mistake is always there, marked forever in my name. However, my present and future actions is not determined by my past, and somehow, if I desire to correct my self, I still have a chance to do it.
2. When I said “I do”, I was thinking that at last you will be mine forever. Today, I realized that marriage did not give you exclusively to me, but that I have given myself, exclusively and solely to you. There would be moments when I might question that decision, but undoubtedly, I have surrendered my whole life to you. You are my reality, and forever I will devote myself to making this marriage work.
3. When I said “I do”, I was thinking that we are going to be happy forever. Today, I realized that happiness comes with the price of sacrifice and responsibility. That, our life together will always be accompanied by both bliss ad pain. The stronger we stand together against the trials, the sweeter will be our happiness.
Finally;
4. When I said “I do”, I was thinking that our love would keep us together. Today, I realized that albeit love would keep a connection, it will take more than just feelings to keep us together. There has to be understanding, there has to be trust and there necessarily had to be mutual respect.
A lot of older couples would agree that as time passes by, that lightning jolt, that tingling spark we often associate with love slowly fades. What would be left to keep a couple together is a deeper more meaningful and more enduring love. Love, inspired not by the excitement of “first-kiss love”, but by the knowledge that we have grown together, our roots intertwined, growing as one body, to live and last until eternity allows us.
This article is for my Husband. I love you.
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