The Mistakes We Make

It seems to me the number one cause of failed relationships is the dumb mistakes we make. Often these mistakes are things that we know we should not do. We know what will happen if we do them, we even know that we don’t want to do them. Yet still it can be hard to avoid little stumbles that cause problems. Sad to say most relationships sink over the small stuff, not the big stuff.

That blasted cell phone: Cell phones have made communication far too easy in this modern age. With a few buttons pressed you can be talking to anyone in the civilized world. This comes in handy more often then not, but it is not handy when a relationship has hits a bumpy spot.

The problem is that when we sense there is a problem we automatically want to fix it. We tell ourselves that we can fix things if we can simply take to the other person for a while. So we call them again and again and try to talk their ear off in hopes that they will suddenly be happy again.

There is an old saying “Absence makes the heart grow fawner.” Sometimes a little space can go a long way. A few days to cool down and recollect often leaves someone thinking of the things they like about the relationship rather than the things they dislike. So in other words, give the cell phone to someone you trust so you don’t miss a call but you won’t be looking at it all day thinking if you should try ‘just one more time.’ Believe me, it will not help.

Sex: Not to get into a morality debate but sex adds to relationship emotions that can be hard to handle if both parties aren’t on the commitment wagon. After sex men tend to want sex again and women may not, or at least not as often as the men.

If the relationship is not very well developed this can create a problem quickly. The woman may feel that they can’t trust the man they are with. They feel that all the man wants is sex and anything nice he does for her is just to get her into bed. God save any man from the grip of a paranoid woman.

In turn, the man may feel that the woman is just dragging him through the mud. That she doesn’t want to be exclusive and that is why she is against intimate relations. Or he may wonder if the girl wants to be with him at all. Because why would a woman that loves you not want to sleep with you?

Friends: Bros before ho*s, or at least sometimes. Friends can do one of two things to a relationship. They can give it support or they can tear it down. Men and women have different feelings towards friends. Men have buddies, women have girlfriends. Girlfriends tell each other everything. Buddies throw eggs at each other. Girlfriends tend to gossip. Buddies debate what action star is tougher.

The problem arises when guys and girls don’t understand that difference. A girl may feel that her boyfriend is more comfortable with his friends than with her, thus he does not trust her. Why else would he act different around her unless he had something to hide? Where guys tend to dislike having their bathing habits put up for public debate at the weekly girl’s night out.

All these things boil down to trust and respect. Relationships are hard and jumping to conclusions only makes them harder. We all want a fairy tail love but before we can find that, we need to learn how to be a fairy tail lover. A person that is honest and upfront yet still respectful and polite. It is a delicate balance but is still very possible.