The Power of Forgiveness

We are born with the need to love and be loved, and it’s natural to feel hurt when somebody breaks that love and trust. It makes perfect sense to be angry when you’re hurt by abuse, abandonment, neglect or violence.

When someone we care about hurts us, we have two choices. We may hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward. If we dwell on hurtful events or situations, vengeance and hostility take root. Negative feelings crowd out positive feelings, and bitterness and a sense of injustice swallow us. But clinging on to events of the past cannot reverse it. Nor can running away from the past help to get rid of the tormenting memories. Only dealing squarely with it can, else the past can hunt us down and catch up at the most inopportune time. When we forgive, we no longer have to run.

Forgiveness doesn’t erase what happened, but the pain from our past no longer dictates how we live in the present, and it no longer determines our future.

A picture of compassion; picture by Narender Mehta; Source

Anger and Forgiveness: The connection

Anger and forgiveness are inter-related emotions. Anger has to be fully understood and released before we move on to the freedom of forgiveness. Anger involves an intense focus on the “wrongdoer,” and forgiveness involves shifting focus from that person and moving on with your life.

Understand that the anger that we feel toward them hurts us far more than it hurts them and prevents us from healing. When we let go of the past and forget vengeance, we can experience an inner peace.

A few misconceptions about forgiveness

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person has hurt you, and it doesn’t justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.
• Forgiving doesn’t mean you are condoning a grievous act. Or imply you are weak and will not stand up against those who commit such acts. Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem. We refuse to identify ourselves as victims of  our past injustices and say, “I’m tired of the pain, and I want to be healed.” Forgiveness is empowering.
• Another misconception is that if you forgive, justice will be abandoned. You recognize the injustice; nevertheless, you determine to heal the pain by releasing your anger and work towards improving the situation in every possible way to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
• Forgiveness brings freedom to the forgiver as well as to the forgiven. It is freedom from the chains of karma, the cause-and-effect cycle. The absence of reprisals paves way for a new beginning that needs nothing for its cause. Forgiveness is for us, not for the forgiven. It is not a gift to the wrongdoer – it is a gift to ourselves, a gift that allows us to be freed of our emotional burden. Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to your well being – mental, physical and spiritual. Forgiveness can lessen the grip that resentment has on you and help you focus on other positive parts of your life.
• Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn’t the aim of forgiveness. Forgiveness is more about how it can change your life. Forgiveness snaps the power of the other person in shaping our moods. We don’t use past grievances as a weapon to punish others or as an excuse for our shortcomings or as a shield to insulate ourselves from others.

Forgiveness makes it possible for us to enjoy the present.