The Rules of Dating

Dating consists of a series of meetings in which you try to decide whether or not to spend more time with another person.  That is the short version.  Who decides how you behave?  How do you figure out who is paying for the date?  Who calls who first after you have been out on the first date? 

I have been pondering the answers to these questions over the course of the last forty eight hours.  How much of what we have been taught about how to behave before, during, and after dates is good advice, and how much of it is pure mind games?  Let’s go through some of the most common rules.

1) The man pays for the date.  Okay.  But what if you want to pay? What if you decide to go dutch? Is there some sort of unwritten rule that the man has to pay for everything?  I think in this enlightened age that a little reciprocity goes a long way.  That being said, there should be a good balance so that neither party feels taken advantage of.

2) The man calls first after the first date.  This is the one I have the hardest time with.  Especially since most of my male friends seem to agree with the “3 day rule” which is that a man waits three days after a date, to call you. That is if he likes you.   I don’t like this rule, at all.  However, I understand why this rule, over all others, seems to be rigorously followed by many men.

No one wants to appear desperate or needy, and I get that, but think about how it feels for a woman.  You go out, you have a good time, talking, laughing, etc, and then share a whopper of a good night kiss. Then, it takes him three days to call you.  I don’t know about most women, but I would be climbing the walls by the third day.  It sends mixed messages.

3) Don’t put out on the first date.  This rule makes sense on several levels.  Firstly, why bother dating at all if you are only after sex?  I would even amend that rule up to date five.  My reasoning is that once you make love for the first time, the relationship is no longer about getting to know each other, it becomes about the sex.  You want to make sure you have some other connection to the person you are dating before you hit the sheets.