The Secret of Long Term Relationships

Together after 15, 20, or more years? Is this something to be proud of or is this the biggest regret of a lifetime? Long term relationships can be the best thing that many people have ever experienced but for many more a long term relationship is the failure of their lives.

Is It a Happy Long Term Relationship?

When a couple has been together for a long time, many people presume that the reason is that they love each other deeply. Unfortunately, most often than not, this is not the case.

Many long term relationships have nothing to do with love and happiness. There might have been some of these in the beginning but now there is only bitterness. As surprising as it may sound, many long term relationships exist simply because one or both of the partners can’t escape from the trap.

You didn’t quit when it was easy to do it and now you are trapped by kids, property, lack of friends and relatives, lack of other alternatives. Yes, it is that simple to explain how one can spend decades in an unhappy long term relationship.

What Keeps the Partners Together in a Long-Term Relationship?

There are many reasons why a long term relationship exists. In those cases when it is a happy long term relationship, the main reason could be love but in the more common case when the long term relationship is unhappy, the reasons could be quite different. Here are the top three reasons why people stay in long term relationships:

• Love. It is great when you have met your partner years or even decades ago and the old flame is still alive. This is quite possible and blessed are those who have experienced it.

• Benefits. Love is a great reason for a long term relationships but unfortunately it is not the only one. Benefits of all kinds are not a less common reason. “I don’t love him or her, I can barely stand him/her but he/she is my meal ticket and I get more from this relationship than I give.” Does it sound familiar?

• Habit. In addition to benefits, or in many cases instead of them, habit is another reason why long term relationships exist. “I am too old to quit, too tied to break free.” Add to this the lack of alternatives, friends and people to support you, and it becomes pretty easy to figure out how you lost the best years of your life stuck in the unhappy long term relationship.

These reasons explain most of the long term relationships. It is good to know this because otherwise one gets the wrong impression about long term relationships and has the wrong expectations about family life.