The Secret to a Happy Marriage For Men

I am blessed.  No other way to put it.  I am married to a wonderful woman, and have been the majority of my life.  In a world where divorce is the norm, unhappiness is nearly constant, and love is both rare and fleeting, I was fortunate enough to find my other half early in life. 

It isn’t always easy (more so for her than for me, I’m sure), but there are ways to make it easier.  Little things in life that we can do for the one we love;  the biggest secret to a happy marriage is, after all, making sure that the one you love knows you do.  Over the years I have, of course, learned a few small things that help to do so… I’ll share some here.

See the world through her eyes  It’s easy to get complacent after years of being together.  We’re at that point where we not only can finish each others’ sentences, but no longer need to utter them at all.  I know what she’s thinking, and even more so she does for me.  But it’s important periodically to stop and ‘refresh’ if you will.  Take the time to look at what has gone on in life recently, and try to be aware of how it has affected her.  By way of example, we started a business several years ago, and for the first year, it was rough.  Lot of 60 and 70 hour weeks for me.  It had my stress level through the roof.  My wife, as always, was the glue that held everything (including me) together.  I came home a bit early one evening, and as I came in, overheard her on the phone with her mother.  She was in tears; I was never home, and when I was I was often crabby and usually in bed shortly thereafter, and it was starting to affect her.  I had been so caught up in my own problems that I failed to notice how taxing the situation had been on her.  How to fix it is another item here, but what’s important for this point is that you take the time to notice, and be aware.

Don’t just communicate…Understand.  Everyone will tell you that you have to be able to communicate; it almost goes without saying.  But you have to be willing to listen.  Take the time to ask specific questions.  After overhearing the conversation above, I asked her how she was doing.  Her initial response was, of course, that she was fine.  If you’ve been with the same woman for any length of time, you no that a response of “No you’re not”  isn’t always the most productive.  Instead, I pointed out that I had been gone quite a bit, and that I had been something less than my usual self, and then asked again.  And she told me.  Her first tendency, as is the case with many women, was to play the silent martyr.  But when given the opportunity to let it out, she did.  Things didn’t change much until the business was up and running, but it was far easier for her to cope knowing that I recognized that it was hard for her, too… and that I cared.