The twenty women interviewed for this survey were asked the question: “In an ideal world, what would you like from your man?”

1. Overall, the thing the twenty women most wanted from men was money. They wanted a fat monthly salary and all the things that it could buy and thought that this should be paid to them every month for “just being themselves”. The salary, allowance, bung (call it what you will) should cover all costs relating to clothes, leisure activities and holidays.
2. To be showered with gifts. Over and above the salary mentioned above, the women surveyed wanted men to give presents for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and any other occasion they could think of. They also wanted “surprise presents” at least once a week. Presents suggested ranged from flowers and perfume to jewellery (18 carat with diamonds) and real estate.
3. Good looks and grooming. The women surveyed said they would accept the odd “ugly chap” as long as they had no repulsive habits and were personally clean and well groomed. Under no circumstances did any of the women surveyed want their men to be attired in man-made garments.
4. Bedroom Activities. Referred to as “rumpy-pumpy”, “how’s your father”, “shenanigans” and “dirty time” by the women interviewed. This was wanted but only on their terms. For instance, men could take Viagra but only when instructed to do so. Unfortunately, due to the nature of the other comments made on this topic, they cannot be reproduced here.
5. Charm and wit. Under no circumstance did women want men who could not converse. The twenty women surveyed agreed that the “shy, silent types” were usually quiet because of social inadequacy, ignorance, general disinterest or (in extreme cases) all three. They wanted men with charm, manners and who were interested in what they had done that day. It was very important that they could introduce the men to family, friends, neighbours, associates and colleagues, without being in the slightest bit embarrassed.

Wilma Proops will be publishing further articles based on her insightful surveys of women who have just got back form the pub. If you are a woman and you want something else from men (in an ideal world) not mentioned above, please add it to the list in the comments below.