Things to Strive for in Marriage

1. Respect

Respect is a very important trait to strive for in any relationship.  It’s important to remember that respect is a two-way street, that means that you should respect your spouse at the same level that you expect to be respected. 

One of the most common respect-killers is name-calling and blaming.  No matter how stupid is something your spouse did, hold your tongue, and don’t call them any names.  Dumb, stupid, dimwit, numbnuts, b*tch, etc, aren’t words that are going to lead anywhere good.  They immediately communicate lack of respect and create resentment.  It is better to qualify what was done “wrong” and drop the issue.  We all have blonde (senior, silly, brainless) moments.  But we married our spouse because we thought they were awesome, not a dimwit.

2. Trust

Trust is earned, never given.  In order to gain the trust of your spouse or long-term partner, you should follow up on your promises.  In other words, be honest with yourself, and don’t over-promise and underdeliver.  If you say that you can have a room painted and re-organized in 3 hours, you better be prepared to do it.  Being honest and following through not only helps you earn trust in your relationship, but it also helps build dependability and stability, which are strong bonds that help keep a relationship together.

3. Stability

Stability means a lot of things to a lot of different people.  In my case, I am referring to stability in general.  We all love spontaneous moments, but humans, by nature, love routines, too.  A certain level of stability is very helpful, not only for your marriage, but if you have kids, it will help them too.

4. Compromise

Image by venetia joubert sarah oosterveld via Flickr

Compromise is an art.  It is a delicate balance of giving and taking, or giving up and forgetting.  It’s the upside to tit-for-tat.  Remember when you had a roommate how you may have had to give up your hope of ever finding a clean kitchen?  It is sort of like that.  It doesn’t mean that you just give up.  You must accept that you can’t change the core of your partner, and embrace what you like about them, and negotiate on what you don’t like about them.

5. Communication

If compromise seems difficult (and trust me, it is!), communication is a good starting point.  Communication, in my opinion, is a part of respect.  It is important for everything.  Broken communication is the number one root cause of divorce, contrary to the popular belief that money problems cause divorce.  There are a lot of awesome books on communication out there.  I recommend you search a couple of them on Amazon.  It will be a great starting point.

6. Sharing

Remember that now that you’re married or have been together for a very long time, you should be more sharing.  There shouldn’t be as much difference between “mine” and “yours”.  This doesn’t mean that everything’s fair game, we all need our own space and our own private time and things, but don’t go around saying “don’t use my TV when I’m not home.”

7. Fun

And finally, FUN!!! Who wants to live in a boring, lifeless marriage?  I certainly don’t.  Fun is an important part of the equation.  Whatever it is that both of you enjoy, try to do it!  Read or watch funny things together and share.  Hike, bike, or go out on a date night.  Whatever it is that you guys love doing, do it!