It has been many years now since I have started working as a mediator to solve some of my friends’ relationship problems. Many times I have been successful in bringing back happiness to them. However, they often turned out to be temporary! After a few days or week things went back to square one and my phone rang again constantly so I could again start working on solving their problems, which were sometimes old and sometimes totally fresh out of the oven. It was exhausting, yet I was determined to help them. And when I try to solve these issues I make an attempt to go deep into their roots. To my surprise, this attempt has guided me towards some unusual factors that make relationships complicated more dangerously than I thought. My findings also concluded that most often it is not really the direct fault of the two people involved in the relationship. But what are those factors? Read below to learn about them.

1. Taking In What Parents Did- The definition of a relationship is better learned at home. That is, children learn by seeing what their parents do with each other as husband and wife. Additionally, they take great pleasure in listening to the stories about the love relationships parents had with other people before they came into each other’s life. But before understand what impact this can have on children let me tell a story here about a guy friend I had a few years ago. His name was Shawn. He was a new student in my college. Once when talking to him he mentioned to me that he never had much luck with women. He also told me about his dream to have that perfect girl in his life with whom he wanted to travel around the world. He also mentioned that he dated fourteen women, yet could not even have a 6 months relationship with them. He seemed very upset about the female species because all the women he dated decided to walk away from him. I was quite surprised to learn about it and stayed that way because he even did not have answer to why they did so. But soon I learned the reason. Once he introduced me to his step dad with whom I found myself comfortable within a few minutes. He told me stories of his college days. However, most of these stories revolved around a long list of his ex-girlfriends. He told me how he had sex partners, how some of his ex-girlfriends walked out on him, how he then became careful and how when dating he took precaution to not get hurt by committing to the girlfriends only after being their friend first. He explained that by being a friend to them he was able to understand whether his relationship with them would be secure. And that is how he actually got into the relationship with Shawn’s mother. I talked to Shawn after that many times. Once, however, he mentioned to me that he followed what his step dad and mother did. He first told his dates to be his friends so he could check whether they were suitable for him. But he complained that they did not want to stay. Moreover, he mentioned that some of these datings went for three to six months until the girls said goodbye to him. From this what I understood was that Shawn heard his parents’ love story and thought this was the best approach to starting a relationship. However, what he was missing here was that every girl did not carry his mother’s personality and viewpoint. Although many girls are fine to be friends first if the guy does not come up with a decision to commit within a certain limited time they will certainly look else where.

On the contrary, I have come across people who are traditionally more relationship-oriented. They easily commit, often stay with a person for a longer haul and do not show interest in cheating. To my surprise, I have noticed that these people often come from nuclear families where parents do not have history of divorce, cheating or friends with benefits. Their home environments are traditional and children are strictly taught universal laws. Overall, what we learn at home is what we give to the world. What we offer in our relationship comes all the way from what our parents did.

However, it is better to avoid complaining about or praising the parents here because the issues can be solved easily. While the relationship-oriented person must go with a partner who shows interest in committing to him readily, a person thinking to date and be friend first must look for someone who thinks in the same way. In short, there should be similarities in viewpoints as well as acts.

2. Telling The Guy He Is Superior- There are many harsh men in the world who do not show proper respect to women. Being with them can certainly make some women feel they are burning in hell fire. Perhaps, that is why it can be hard to continue a relationship with them. These men often have huge ego that becomes a pressure on their girlfriends. But where does this ego come from? The foremost place is home. If a boy is brought up with a recorder playing he is superior to women his brain will become programmed to go by it. Second place is his outside environment revolving around masculine and culture. In some cultures males are given more priority, but they are often expected to keep away from young women during their growing years. This indirectly lets a man feel that his position in the society is more important than a woman’s. Consequently, to him women become lesser than him and he learns that it is his duty to control any relationship he will have with them.

Now most women dream to become professionally successful. They go to college, learn to be outgoing and try to get a hold of their career. Consequently, women enjoy being independent. However, when these women and the type of men mentioned here enter into a relationship they both suffer emotionally. While the men expect the women to be the stay-at-home type, the women expect the men to give them space. This results in clash. But again, this problem can be solved if the women pick boyfriends who feel comfortable letting them enjoy their time freely. As for the men, they must go for women who in their hearts are passive, like staying at home and do not mind to see their men controlling any part of the relationship.

3. Astrological Alignment- In mainstream, astrology perhaps has no place, but it actually is a helpful tool in understanding why some relationships suffer. It actually works and I learned this after analyzing a few people’s troubled relationships. For instance, I have a Capricorn friend whose Venus is in Aquarius, mars in Scorpio and moon in Gemini. Six months ago she started relationship with a Scorpio man whose Venus was in Capricorn, mars in Aquarius and moon in Leo. I am not a professional astrologist, yet I will try here to best define what those astrological placements mean. Venus tells how an individual see a relationship. Mars deals with how the individual love and moon tells about the person’s emotion. My friend and her boyfriend have never passed a week without arguing with each other. Sometimes she becomes distant from him and sometimes he ignores her. Despite the fact that they both know that they are not healthy for each other, they have no plan to break up. Both of them are from the same culture, both of them have high moral values and both of them come from stable nuclear families, yet things never work out between them. Whenever there is argument between them, the boyfriend calls me to tell me that he does not understand as to what my friend wants from him, why she is so mean to him and so on. After awhile she calls me and tells me the same about him. I have been their mediator for such a long time that at one point I thought of just analyzing things that do not let them see anything eye to eye. My finding stopped at their natal charts. My friend wants to control what he does and how he is and it comes from her Mars in Scorpio. Now Scorpio is a sign that is very possessive about its loved ones and thus sometimes wishes that they acted in its way. However, her boyfriend wants things as they are. He wants to be loved for who he is and it comes from his Mars in Aquarius. Here Aquarius does not care about changes. It believes in love is all about emotional connection. Most of their arguments revolve around her trying to change him and he is being stubborn. Also there is constant issue on how many times a day they should talk to each other. As mentioned earlier, my friend’s moon is in Gemini and Venus is in Aquarius. This tells she needs constant stimulations in her mind and thus sometimes she requires break from her boyfriend. On the contrary, her boyfriend has a Moon in Leo, a sign that he craves for attention in relationship and his Venus is in Capricorn and this means he needs constant reassurance from her that he is in a secure relationship. However, when his ego is hurt his Leo placement compels him to ignore her. Therefore, their relationship remains complicated. But they are not ready to break up because Scorpio and Aquarius are the two signs in their charts that are fixed. Her boyfriend is good looking and attracts many women, but he is not ready to leave her. This is because his Venus in Capricorn and Moon in Leo attract him towards powerful women, which is one of the features his girlfriend has. She is independent and aggressive. Thus, although he knows he has no future with her he is determined to stay with her because he is attracted to her personality no matter how much he is against her controlling behavior. Consequently, I keep trying to solve their issues, they patch up for a while, but then again they start arguing. Overall, astrology can tell a lot about why a relationship goes sour and why people break up. Interestingly, it also tells why two people stay together happily. One way to understand this is to take a look at the Venus signs. Astrologers on the web sometimes give features through which one can check their compatibility rating by the use of sun signs. But after analysis I realized two people’s happiness has more to do with Venus signs. For example, it is believed and seen that Capricorn and Virgo make a perfect couple. However, it will be hundred percent true if these two signs are attached to Venus. That is, if a person with Venus in Capricorn decides to go in a relationship with Venus in Virgo there is a possibility that the two will have a happy life for many years to come. Of course, the Moon placements make a difference also. In short, when it comes to starting a new relationship, it is better to match both people’s natal charts.