Tips for a Successful, Happy Marriage
by I’ve been married for seven years, and I’ve been with this same man for ten. We have had good times and bad, money troubles and windfalls, health problems, kid problems, and through it all we still seem to have a pretty good time. Neither one of us are experts on relationships, and sometimes we look at each other and wonder how we got so lucky-sometimes we look at each other and wonder how we got into this mess. But we stay married, and work on things and watch as couple after couple around us break-up, get divorced or just grow apart. Here are some tips, whether married or not, on how to have a successful relationship.
- Listen to your partner. Not just what they say, but what they don’t say. Sometimes that is more telling than words and might take some prying on your part. If you know something is bothering them, ask and then listen to what they have to say. Listen to the little things too, like how the day was, what the kids were doing, what flowers are growing in the garden, what books they are reading-whatever is going on with them at the moment. Those little things mean so much each day and help you really get to know each other. Do you know your partner’s favorite book? Author? Album? Color? Flower? Food? Video game?
- Talk to your partner. It’s a two way street in the sharing game. It means a lot in a relationship to know that your partner wants to share their lives with you, even the little things, especially the little things. A beautiful sunset or an exciting book-whatever makes you want to talk, talk about it to your partner. Also, talk about those little things that annoy you. Don’t yell, don’t get mad and don’t let the little things fester.
- Don’t let the little things fester. The big things-politics, religion, whether you want kids or not-those sort of things were worked out before you got married and are probably some of the reasons why you are married. Not putting the cap back on the toothpaste, how you rinse the dishes, the frequency of vacuuming, finding toe nail clippings in the couch-those are the things that breed arguments, not the big things. If the cap not being put on the toothpaste bothers you-say something! Then maybe buy a pump toothpaste.
- Compromise. You can’t have it your way all the time. Neither can your partner. You might have to buy the pump toothpaste, since they won’t put the cap back on and you can’t stand it. Sometimes you give, sometimes they give and sometimes neither of you are going to get exactly what you want, but that’s okay. At some point you will have to come to a consensus on things like vacation spots or what movie to get. Harmony is important. Peace is important. It’s not a competition, it’s a partnership. This is not to say that you have to give up your belief system or religion, or other things are intrinsic to your being. They should love those things about you, even if they don’t always agree with you.
- Be loyal. Don’t cheat. Duh. And don’t accept cheating in your partner. If you are being cheated on, that person does NOT respect you. Be loyal, and expect the same from your partner.
- Be friends. Friends do things together and enjoy each others company. Friends are there to lean on in bad times and there to celebrate the good times. Be friends. It’s not all about the sex. Yes, Sex is important. It’s a biological need, ingrained into our species, and is wonderful stuff. There will be times in your married life when you won’t be having sex-health reasons, kids, maybe one of you had to leave for work for a time. Friendship and the closeness that good sex helps foster will last through. Sex is great with someone you are attracted to, but it is indescribably good with someone you love who is your best friend and partner in life.
- And last but not least, Love. I name it last not because it’s not important, but because I don’t want anyone just getting married to think it’s the only thing that’s important. You need to love someone to want to work out all of the above, but more than that you need to love them more than yourself and more than the concept of being in love. Being in love is a wonderful high that makes you giddy and excited and all you want to do is be with that other person in every sense of the word all the time. Love in marriage is getting home to a dirty house with three sick kids and a spouse who is just as tired as you, nothing in the fridge ready to eat, and another day of school and work to look forward to the next day and still making it work without killing each other, or even losing your temper. You can do it together.
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Post CommentKate Smedley
On June 21, 2009 at 5:29 am
I like your comparison between being in love and love in marriage! Some great advice Annie, relationships can be hard work but it sounds like you have a great marriage.
OhSugar
On June 21, 2009 at 6:45 am
Great tips that I absolutely agree with. I like and thanks for sharing.
Daisy Peasblossom
On June 21, 2009 at 8:07 am
And not exploding, pointing fingers, or placing blame when things go wrong. Annie, kudos to you! I’d “like” this one at least twice if the system would let me.
Joe Dorish
On June 21, 2009 at 10:22 am
Wise words Annie for a successful marriage or relationship.
Joie Schmidt
On June 21, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Very sweet, good tips!
Blessings.
Sincerely,
-Liane Schmidt.
Juhls
On June 21, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Great wisdom and insights!
Cynthia Bartlett
On June 21, 2009 at 8:12 pm
very nice. Many people forget that marriage is a two way street. I find it interesting that only the females are always offering up this kind of advice though. I have yet to see a male post anything remotely similar.
Amanda N Miller
On June 21, 2009 at 11:33 pm
I enjoyed reading this!
clafleur
On June 21, 2009 at 11:59 pm
you made that simple enough. i wish it was that simple.
rutherfranc
On June 22, 2009 at 12:16 am
now I know why my marriage is working.. I always compromise!
Tahnee Smith
On June 22, 2009 at 1:00 am
absolutely perfect! I couldn’t have written it better myself. This is great advice in EVERY relationship. Listen, talk, compromise, love. Great job
StumbleUponWriter
On June 22, 2009 at 5:42 am
This is certainly useful for those yet to embark on marriage life. Thanks for featuring this..
Anne Lyken Garner
On June 22, 2009 at 8:58 am
Great advice. I would’ve said this myself. Well done.
Christy Tuller
On June 22, 2009 at 10:07 am
Great advice. I got married at the age of 18 and had a friend tell me a few of these things. I was also lucky enough to see my grandparents were together at 50 years of marriage. I will celebrate my 15th anniversary this July and I can say that it takes two to make a marriage work and while you should follow these tips, you shouldn’t use them as a day to day guideline. Live, laugh, love and never forget the little things. Something as simple as a smile can change and entire day. Best of luck to you and your husband.
fishfry aka Elizabeth Figueroa
On June 22, 2009 at 11:16 am
Great article, I have been married almost 21 years, and everything you mentioned is so true.
Best of luck , Keep living and laughing
Teresa M Sims
On June 22, 2009 at 1:00 pm
good advice I have what seems to be the perfect marriage except he wants a baby and i cant have any but he understands and is very humble i just hope the love he has for God allows his love for me to stand.
Mr Ghaz
On June 24, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Tips for a Successful, Happy Marriage ..::..Wonderful advices..TQ..I LIKED it
hfj
On July 6, 2009 at 10:35 am
As soon as the passion starts to get a little old in a relationship, true love and mutual respect for each other will sustain and foster a successful marriage. Very good and true tips you stated in your article for a great relationship. Well done friend.
mystery61
On August 16, 2009 at 10:01 pm
This is a very good article with great advice. I have been married for over 25 years now and couldn’t have said it better!