Tips for the First Date

Dating has more than one purpose. Let’s rule out the I-don’t-care-who-you-are sex, and the I-want-to-be-seen-with-you-but hate-your-guts, and move to the ‘I think maybe’.

Most dates are of the ‘I think maybe’.

You don’t really know this person. This could be the love of your life or who? This might turn into a delightful memory or fade into oblivion. You don’t know. This could be the start or the finish. This might be someone who you will know for the rest of the life, or someone you won’t be able to pick out of a line up in five years.

The reason you are going out with this person is because there is a slim possibility that this can work.

The first date should be a ‘get to know’. There aren’t any major decisions to be made, there are just major mistakes you don’t want to make.

Usually, you are going to be nervous because you don’t really know this person, this person doesn’t know you, and you don’t want to appear a complete idiot.

What not to do?

Firstly, let’s not go for too formal or too informal. You don’t want to spend your time playing a role or being so
detached that you don’t realise your date left thirty minutes ago. Without you.

Secondly, be realistic with your budget, it’s going to be the last date if there’s no money left and it’s a long walk home.

Thirdly, don’t push. Don’t push the physical, the mental, anything. You don’t want the date to think you’re only into sex or getting converts to your political/religious philosophy.

Fourthly, listen as much as talk. Some people get very quiet when meeting new people or being in a social situation. If you find yourself babbling, stop and ask a question. It doesn’t have to be all that brilliant a question, it just has to open the door to the other person’s character.

All that the first date accomplishes is to rule in or out the second date.

Moving too fast usually results in ludicrous dramas in which one finds themselves involved with someone they don’t like. All you want right now is to know if you and this person are a ‘maybe’ or a ‘no way’.

Now the best first dates are often Day Dates. This takes the pressure off everyone. The families are not running around with curfew and where are they and don’t wear that, and all sorts of terror.

Day dates can be sporting events, Fairs and amusement parks, etc. They happen out there in public in front of the whole world, and usually end before or after dinner.

Day dates have a great deal of communication so that you actually do get to know something about the other person.

If you’ve had an absolutely horrible time, well you can go out in the evening with friends and share war stories. If you’ve had a great time, then the second date will be pretty easy.

First dates should not be the beach or the movies. The first puts too much emphasis on the physical, the second prevents communication.

The reason movies are so popular is that the Dates figure the movie will fill in the conversation they aren’t having. This means that the second date, if there is one is going to be the one where you find out who you sat  next to for two hours last week.

If you keep up this movie thing for too long you might find yourself engaged to a stranger.

Hence, before investing time, find out who this person is.