It can be extremely frustrating when you can’t  to get a date seemingly no matter how hard you try. You do everything conceivably possible, try all the tricks and make yourself available but still nothing. That’s why it is so incredibly frustrating when you cant get a date.  Luckily I am going to give you some great tips that will help you get out of this rut and show you  what you can do to avoid this happening again in the future.

Often we become disillusioned about our lives. We begin to think we will never get a date or that we must be doing something wrong. Everyone else out there seems to be having better luck than us. Why is that?  We  begin to doubt ourselves and our ability to  attract the opposite sex. Sometimes all that is really needed is a reevaluation about what is really going on in our lives.  How ready we are to date, to get out there on the market and what we are actually looking for. There are many reasons that could be affecting whether you are being approached for dates and the key is to identify them. Once you have identified these key reasons you will be able to change your luck in effect. Start working on the behaviors that are hindering you in your quest for love.

Here are the reasons why you can’t get a date.

Number 1: You are to needy! You jump on anyone who comes your way and seems halfway decent . You have decided within the first few lines of conversation on-line that this might just be the one. You are too eager write too much in your emails and want to qualify them pretty much at the get go. Relax It takes time to get

to know someone ! You want quality not quantity don’t you .  Lets face it one of the things that repels us from a potential date is when they seem to eat us alive through the computer or when we meet them. So play it cool, be yourself, don’t look at every eligible single as a potential mate. Look for someone who has the qualities you are looking for and then give them a chance to express some interest in you.

Number 2: You don’t know what you want! If you cant describe who you are looking for in detail and know what your life would be like then how will you know when you find the right person. The problem is if you can’t get a date then maybe its because you are talking to the wrong people. Think about it this way, if you put a line in the ocean with a hook you may get a bite but if you want a specific type of fish you need to use the right fly to catch him. So figure out what you want and then go to the places that type of person would go. Cast your fishing rod in the right pool with the right fly on the hook and you will catch the right kind of fish.

Number 3 You need to revamp your look. Look around you at people that are having success. What are they wearing, what does their profile look like? If you are on a dating site and are not getting any bites try changing your profile and your photograph. Make sure it shows who you really are, makes you feel great about yourself and is inviting. If you are out meeting people in the non cyber world try looking at the way you dress. Something my grandmother says comes to mind. “You should always look your best because you never know who you will meet.”  So look your best every day. One big mistake we often make is wearing clothes that do not do anything flattering for us. To avoid this get a stylist to help you or a very stylish friend. You might just like the results.

Number 4 : You are not a good listener. When you are contacting people on-line for instance you are impersonal in  your emails. You might say to much, write whole stories about yourself. When you meet someone that has some potential you do not make them feel heard. You have to make sure you are  listening to them and hearing what they have to say. Ask questions and be genuinely interested in them. The more you listen to them the more they will be interested in you.

Number 5:  You cant get a date because you don’t have confidence in yourself!  Having confidence in ourselves is one of the key reasons why others find us attractive. People who exude confidence are magnetic and seem to be surrounded by friends and people who want to be with them. Confidence is so important that if you don’t have it you may begin to behave in self sabotaging ways. You need to be confident, know you are an amazing person and be proud of who you are. Love yourself and accept your shortcomings.

If you recognized yourself in any of these scenarios you are not alone. Most of us do in at least one and sometimes even all of them. You can now identify the barriers that were holding you back and begin to work on them. You don’t have to let them affect your life any more. So go out and be confident. Figure out who you are looking for and target the places that type of person would be at for your search. Find a friend who is great at giving fashion advice or a stylist and create a newer better more confident you. Know that  you are putting your best foot forward. Don’t forget to listen to what people are saying and be genuinely interested in them.  And know that you will find someone, so you don’t need to feel like the person standing in front of you is the last chance. Be relaxed and have fun.

Drifa Ulfarsdottir Life Coach

Helping you achieve success in your life.

 copyrite © Drifa Ulfarsdottir 2009