Top Ten Lies Told by Women Translated

These are the top ten lies the ladies tell, translated so men understand.

1.        Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine.  There is a slight variance between men and women with this lie.  Men usually just want to be left alone; women want all your attention.  If the word “fine” is more of a “FINE!” then there’s more attention than necessary needed.  Possible candy and flowers could help with this one. 

2.       Oh, this isn’t new.  I’ve had it for ages.  I have one friend that buys a new outfit then immediately drops it off at the cleaners.  When her husband asks if it’s new, she shows him the dry cleaner tag and says, “Really?  I’ve had this forever!”  The same lie works with. “Oh, I got this in the mail.”  Translated means “After the eBay purchase, I got this in the mail.”

3.       It wasn’t that expensive.   This is usually used when busted on the “Oh, this isn’t new.  I’ve had it for ages!” lie, explaining that it really wasn’t that expensive, it’s new, and it’s now justified.

4.       I bought it on sale.  This lie is told when busted for the “Oh, this isn’t new” lie then the “It wasn’t that expensive lie” followed by the “It was on sale.”  We don’t say that it was already marked up 100 percent before it went on sale, because the word sale means “Buy” to a woman.  I’ve known some buy things they really don’t need (red leopard skin matching bra and thong) because they were marked down 70%!

5.       I’m on my way.  Men call from the bar room, women call from the mall.  Unless you hear the wind of the highway, they are still in the middle of “Oh it’s new” and “inexpensive” and “on sale.”   If you don’t get them on their way, the less money in your wallet when they actually are, “on their way.”