Understanding Your Spouse’s Brain

Long before scientists confirmed the differences between men’s and women’s brains, many people sensed the vast chasm between the two sexes’ mental workings. Men and women’s brains differ in shape and function, causing them to act and react differently from one another. While some argue that the differences between male and female behavior stems from nothing more than social conditioning, it makes much more sense to accept the differences and learn to deal with them. In fact, husbands and wives who accept the differences between themselves and their spouses enjoy much more satisfaction in their relationships. They don’t have to deal with the frustration and unhappiness that result from frequent misunderstandings. Here are a few differences you can expect from your spouse and tips on working with them:

Women’s emotional centers are more active than men’s

Enhanced left/right brain communication and hormonal fluctuations, as well as a more active emotional center, make emotions a much more important part of women’s lives. Women understand and deal with emotions differently than men. Emotional connections, such as sympathy and mutual understanding, are important to women.

Advice for husbands: Don’t feel guilty about your wife’s emotional outbursts. When your wife is struggling, the best thing to do is to try to console her with a hug or other expression of love, or by letting her talk, but be careful not to let your wife draw you in to her negative emotions. Keeping a positive perspective can help her stabilize her emotions.
When you are dealing with emotions, your wife may think you need to talk them out like she does. Be honest about your need for some quiet time to think things through. She’ll get used to leaving you alone if you explain your needs to her.
Advice for wives: Strong emotions lead to irrational thoughts. Try to keep things in perspective and accept the ways your husband tries to console you, even if he isn’t providing the sympathy that you want. (Call your mom or girlfriends for that.) Don’t use your hormonal fluctuations as an excuse to throw temper tantrums or abuse others. You can keep reasonable control of your emotions with a little practice.

When your husband is upset, give him time to think things through. Let him approach you if he wants to talk about what’s wrong. He’ll be much more likely to work things out this way.
Advice for both spouses: Instead of reacting to your spouse’s emotional outbursts with anger, be more understanding and loving. Insisting on an eye for an eye will leave everyone hurt and just make the problem worse. If you react to an angry outburst by looking for ways to make your spouse’s day a little easier, you will not only insulate yourself from hurt, but you will also shorten your spouse’s distress.